Crossroads. Whenever I hear that name I think of the movie. No, not the Britney Spears one. Go back. Further. This movie is the 1980's Crossroads where a young, hot Ralph Macchio played a blues guitarist on a journey. Due to axe-wizard/David Lee Roth discovery Steve Vai playing the devil's advocate in the movie, all the guitar heroes I hung out with, jammed with (or slept with!) on the Moncton music scene, made it almost a personal rite-of-passage to have seen this movie. Which is how I had the pleasure of getting to see that great, underrated film.
But the crossroads I stand at today is real and not a movie. Real life. Which is far more dramatic and has more devils and their advocates than any movie.
I have to make a decision about my children, for my children regarding their future with the local school.
A few months ago, I made a mistake at my son's school, the local school, a ten minute walk from home. I got too involved, I said too much, I revealed too much of myself to far too many too close to home. I have done this before. And I react the same way everytime. I coccoon. I rarely go out, I dream of the future and travelling, I isolate myself for a bit. During my coccoon process I like to think long and hard about what lessons I have learned to get to this place and how I can prevent it from happening again. Looking at past crossroads is a great help to remind me of which path to take and what happens when you don't choose wisely...
1.Redneck Hell - I got out but barely. That was a bad, bad place. I learned I have family I now know I never want to know beyond a friendly Xmas card, ever, ever again. I learned a valuable lesson from Redneck Hell but it was a roller coaster ride which ended with a crossroads. Which took us to...
2. England - I had the right vision but not enough of the means! To be fair, I was pregnant so my brain was not functioning to the best of my ability. But I did not arrange that properly for my 80+ year old mum and her needs and I will never make THAT mistake again. And I think I clearly have maintained her needs much, much better after that mistake for which I am proud of myself. Anyway, returning from England to Redneck Hell was insanely hard. That was walking right back into the hornets nest I had left behind and thankfully I was able to gather my wits about me and be strong enough to get us out of there as fast as possible!!
But that sure does tell me something. My son going back to the school I removed him from is a good idea in theory. But in reality, returning to a place of toxicity does not make good sense. It would be poor judgement and I need to not take that fork in my current personal crossroads.
In hindsight, I simply should have gone further afield and tried harder to find the right accommodation before giving into mum's fears and returning to Redneck Hell. That was the wrong choice. Steve Vai would have won that round!
It is so good to self-analyze and be sure of yourself and what your inner voice already is telling you. I think the key is to LISTEN to that inner voice a little more.
The next crossroads came after getting away as fast as possible from Redneck Hell (7 months pregnant, time running out!!) and arriving in..
3. Vancouver Island - it is so pretty there. The motorcycle mechanic job my ex husband started working at sounded promising. The house we found to rent was cute and had a granny cottage for my mum and she joined us not long after we arrived due to the continued strife she faces when she stays with my sister.
This is where my crossroads starts going a bit more personal and for now I will simply say the next series of moves/crossroads in life all had to do with a main member of our family, DADDY, and my lifelong battle with the mistress I cannot compete against no matter how many fancy organic products I use on my skin, no matter how much of a positive outlook I have and no matter how great a childhood I strive to give these children, I am simply no competition for his mistress of over 20years, Ms. Mary Jane. I totally know how Princess Diana must have felt over Camilla. :)
But now I face a new crossroads...one for my children this time because we are already in the AD zone (After Daddy).
So at the end of September this year, I removed my son from school here. As I said earlier I became too involved, revealed too much of myself and my personal politics, and just basically disturbed my personal chi too close to home. And it trickled down to my son and he was unable to settle in school. Or maybe his agitated feelings at the new school bounced onto me and caused my own friction-filled angst with all the parents, etc. For whatever reasons now, and following all that transpired during the end times for us and our association with our local school, I firmly believe that both myself and my son will remain unaccepted in that environment if we returned. I believe I could possibly push through the hostility though. If I conformed and got my son assessed (as so many wanted instead of seeing him for the bright, creative, imaginative spark he is!) and fell in line with the school politics and didn't say a peep or ruffle any feathers, then perhaps we could overcome all the damage done, and my son and his younger siblings could have a positive school life here. But what would that do to me? To my personal integrity and well-being? Is it possible for me to give my children a wonderful school experience elsewhere? Can I find my son the school niche that he has yet to find to fit into?
Homeschooling is not enough stimulation for him. But going back to our local school would be a decision of poor judgement unless I am prepared to conform and put my own feelings aside for potentially many, many years. Do I want to face criticism for every trip I take or every non status quo decision I make? Not really.
So this crossroads is clear to me.
Do not go near Steve Vai. Let him solo his heart out but do not go down the path that is paved with spandex. Look to the sun, the glittering gold shining brightly off the ocean's ripples...look to the warmth of a brighter tomorrow, a more challenging set of hurdles to bring the goals into focus. Because once the butterfly emerges from the coccoon, the brilliance and wonder of the difficult birth outshines all troubled tatters of the shell left behind.
one day where we will live
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
I suck
I suck.
Ok, I don’t really think that way about myself. I have too much self-confidence to actually think I suck. But in the sense of accomplishing the work-thing with this travel job from home? Yeah, I honestly do suck at that!
I tried it and I could manage the training around the kids. It was never for too many hours at a time and I tried to arrange it for the early morning hours before the oldest two were awake at least.
Far too often though, the lack of professionalism from this travel company I had so graciously been given a job opportunity with, irked me a wee bit too much. They would tell me they would phone at 7am (my time) which was 10am for them…I even offered to be ready for 6am here as I knew they started their days in Toronto at 830am or 9am. I was ready. But they never seemed to be. There were many false starts, or late starts, and glossed over apologies from the woman training me or the computer tech. It has been a rare occasion for anything I have been doing with this company to be on time at all. And that throws my entire household off! Why is there no consideration given for that? Is my time as a housewife (ahem, "wife" to the children only right now!!) and mother of so little consequence to them? Why was I not paid for all my hours of “standing by” and waiting for them??
Originally I was not looking to go into travel sales. I wanted to handle customer complaints with my kick ass letter writing skills. I had even sent some samples of my work with letters handling complaints in customer service to see if they could put me in that type of position. I could easily work around the children by doing writing at my own pace and am sure I could handle dozens of complaint letters during the course of a shift. But unfortunately, this company only needed internet “sales” travel agents to be ready to answer the phone which rings non-stop on an regular, eight hour shift.
As much as I want to jump into the travel game again, and as much as I want to have access again to free or discounted travel, I feel it is not worth what it will take away from the children by means of my time and efforts within their lives each day.
Loads of parents put their children in daycare every day so they can work to put food on the table. Thankfully, I am not in that position. And from my earlier blogs on here, I have already been very clear on how I feel about parents who CHOOSE to work and put their kids into daycare. Regardless of putting food on the table, there are always other options to keep you nearer your children, and it comes down to choice and what you value the most in this world. Parents who choose to work generally won’t admit this though and instead play the “I have no choice” card.
I am all for parents not losing themselves and continuing their careers despite having children…but not until the child is old enough to have their own life within school or some other outside learning stimulus.
So as for me, well, I tried. I failed and sucked at the challenge but at least I tried. How else can you know if you suck at something if you don’t give it a try first?
Always try. Sucking is optional. :)
Ok, I don’t really think that way about myself. I have too much self-confidence to actually think I suck. But in the sense of accomplishing the work-thing with this travel job from home? Yeah, I honestly do suck at that!
I tried it and I could manage the training around the kids. It was never for too many hours at a time and I tried to arrange it for the early morning hours before the oldest two were awake at least.
Far too often though, the lack of professionalism from this travel company I had so graciously been given a job opportunity with, irked me a wee bit too much. They would tell me they would phone at 7am (my time) which was 10am for them…I even offered to be ready for 6am here as I knew they started their days in Toronto at 830am or 9am. I was ready. But they never seemed to be. There were many false starts, or late starts, and glossed over apologies from the woman training me or the computer tech. It has been a rare occasion for anything I have been doing with this company to be on time at all. And that throws my entire household off! Why is there no consideration given for that? Is my time as a housewife (ahem, "wife" to the children only right now!!) and mother of so little consequence to them? Why was I not paid for all my hours of “standing by” and waiting for them??
Originally I was not looking to go into travel sales. I wanted to handle customer complaints with my kick ass letter writing skills. I had even sent some samples of my work with letters handling complaints in customer service to see if they could put me in that type of position. I could easily work around the children by doing writing at my own pace and am sure I could handle dozens of complaint letters during the course of a shift. But unfortunately, this company only needed internet “sales” travel agents to be ready to answer the phone which rings non-stop on an regular, eight hour shift.
As much as I want to jump into the travel game again, and as much as I want to have access again to free or discounted travel, I feel it is not worth what it will take away from the children by means of my time and efforts within their lives each day.
Loads of parents put their children in daycare every day so they can work to put food on the table. Thankfully, I am not in that position. And from my earlier blogs on here, I have already been very clear on how I feel about parents who CHOOSE to work and put their kids into daycare. Regardless of putting food on the table, there are always other options to keep you nearer your children, and it comes down to choice and what you value the most in this world. Parents who choose to work generally won’t admit this though and instead play the “I have no choice” card.
I am all for parents not losing themselves and continuing their careers despite having children…but not until the child is old enough to have their own life within school or some other outside learning stimulus.
So as for me, well, I tried. I failed and sucked at the challenge but at least I tried. How else can you know if you suck at something if you don’t give it a try first?
Always try. Sucking is optional. :)
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Something He Said
We were standing on the deck in the night air. If I wanted to talk to him I would have to put up with being outside while he smoked a joint. I don't understand the control that drug has on him. The drug he won't even call a drug.
Marijuana. A plant that looks innocent enough on the surface. But this innocent plant has been groomed and manipulated to new and dizzying heights of tokers' perfectionism. It is the drug that increasing numbers of our modern society either uses or sees nothing wrong with anyone else using. It has become mainstream, accepted and people have no idea of the long-term damage it actually does. Or if they do, they are too high to care.
As he tries to inhale his head into a different dimension, I ventured to tell him something nice. Something to perhaps pull him out of that ganja cloud and back down to earth.
"You know, I really and truly appreciate all the help you are giving me while you are here. I have to always do everything myself, even the gross BOY jobs, and I hope you do know how much I appreciate it."
He sort of shrugged and laughed and said, "Well, guess now you can see how much work I did around here and how much easier I made your life, so maybe you should have appreciated me a bit more!"
I was kind of startled at his words. How could he say that? I always appreciated his help and always lavished him with praise our entire marriage. I decided to remind him of a key fact.
"Your help always came with a price though and it is not a price I could afford any longer...how good is help when it is given with such a large amount of verbal abuse?"
He rolled his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Whatever," was his only reply. That small, mean phrase that says so much but means so little. It is so dismissive and I feel when someone uses it, they are using it unkindly and it irks me time and again.
He refused to acknowledge the damage he has done to all of us and instead he chooses to sweep it under the rug and create his own reality, in which he is a victimized hero who simply could no longer stand to be married to me.
Is this what all abusers do? Is this a classic pattern they follow?
It sure seems to be with mine.
But he is no longer mine now. He has returned to where he came from when I met him, at long last. A full circle moment? Perhaps. He is 4000km away and he is someone else's problem now. His family are dealing with him now. At least until he verbally abuses them and finds himself alone on the streets again.
I don't want that to happen.
I want him to find a good job, and get off the marijuana, and live for his kids and his own well-being. As much as I want that to happen though, I can't manifest someone else's life for them. He has to choose the path he walks and we will always be here with kindness for him if he chooses a path of happiness and peace.
Otherwise, I can only try to do my best to raise our children to have enough intelligence to always choose their own paths of prosperity and goodness.
Because in the end, it is not about us. It is about the children. And it always will be. For me.
Marijuana. A plant that looks innocent enough on the surface. But this innocent plant has been groomed and manipulated to new and dizzying heights of tokers' perfectionism. It is the drug that increasing numbers of our modern society either uses or sees nothing wrong with anyone else using. It has become mainstream, accepted and people have no idea of the long-term damage it actually does. Or if they do, they are too high to care.
As he tries to inhale his head into a different dimension, I ventured to tell him something nice. Something to perhaps pull him out of that ganja cloud and back down to earth.
"You know, I really and truly appreciate all the help you are giving me while you are here. I have to always do everything myself, even the gross BOY jobs, and I hope you do know how much I appreciate it."
He sort of shrugged and laughed and said, "Well, guess now you can see how much work I did around here and how much easier I made your life, so maybe you should have appreciated me a bit more!"
I was kind of startled at his words. How could he say that? I always appreciated his help and always lavished him with praise our entire marriage. I decided to remind him of a key fact.
"Your help always came with a price though and it is not a price I could afford any longer...how good is help when it is given with such a large amount of verbal abuse?"
He rolled his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Whatever," was his only reply. That small, mean phrase that says so much but means so little. It is so dismissive and I feel when someone uses it, they are using it unkindly and it irks me time and again.
He refused to acknowledge the damage he has done to all of us and instead he chooses to sweep it under the rug and create his own reality, in which he is a victimized hero who simply could no longer stand to be married to me.
Is this what all abusers do? Is this a classic pattern they follow?
It sure seems to be with mine.
But he is no longer mine now. He has returned to where he came from when I met him, at long last. A full circle moment? Perhaps. He is 4000km away and he is someone else's problem now. His family are dealing with him now. At least until he verbally abuses them and finds himself alone on the streets again.
I don't want that to happen.
I want him to find a good job, and get off the marijuana, and live for his kids and his own well-being. As much as I want that to happen though, I can't manifest someone else's life for them. He has to choose the path he walks and we will always be here with kindness for him if he chooses a path of happiness and peace.
Otherwise, I can only try to do my best to raise our children to have enough intelligence to always choose their own paths of prosperity and goodness.
Because in the end, it is not about us. It is about the children. And it always will be. For me.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
VISION OUT OF REDNECK HELL
Seven years ago I was living in a very hostile environment. Family problems, marriage problems. I wanted to be near the sea...a beach. Those are massively important elements I need in my life. The need to be near a beach only became uber-strong after I lived far away from it, I think.
Anyway, back then I always would tell people when I was out having a nice walk in nature and "making the best" of what I had within my hostile environment, how it would be so great if, at the bottom of the road (we were in rural farmland), instead of the highway, if there was a beach, or even a small train that stopped once an hour (like in my favourite quintessential English villages!), going onwards to the next town for some better shopping. I would daydream about that all the time. I would gaze into the distance and practically “see” the sea, and “see” the train, during my daily 3km hike with my baby in the stroller, stereo filling the wilderness with the sounds of anything from Abba to Anthrax, all the way to the top of our rural, backwoods road.
This road wound up a small mountain and had some dodgy spots where a flood had washed it out years before and the residents of the road had raised the funds to have the gap bridged with gravel. The stroller hated that part. My thighs thanked me for it later.
It was peaceful in spots…peaceful enough to sing really loudly. My oldest child (he was a baby then) learned about every amazing piece of music that I love, that tells the story of my life through song…and some awesome Mummy “Metal Queen” wails! We had some great hikes and they were an integral part of us maintaining a positive outlook through the hostility veil.
So now fast forward my life to what we gained once we finally left that rural life-suck/pot-soaked/hostile redneck small B.C. town. Every place we have lived since then, seems to almost fit my “vision” of what I “saw” and yearned for during those daily hikes.
1. England 2006…we lived in a stone cottage for a short time in a rural, Cornish village, with the sea at the end of our lane. We had fabulous bus access, nearby train, amazing beaches a short bus ride away, hiking trails…it was close to my vision.
2. Vancouver Island…of the two spots we lived in, the first (2006-2008) had a beach at the bottom of the road and an ocean view. The train passed right behind our house and I even had them let us off on our rural road on one train adventure!
The second place (2008-2009) had a proper train station within walking distance AND a wonderful sandy beach at the bottom of our road!
Both of these places were even closer to my vision still.
3. Sunshine Coast 2009- present…most amazing ocean view. Ever. Takes my breath away daily. Is highly therapeutic for my practically shut-in mum. The beach is at the bottom of our road yet again but the hike up from the bottom is steep and the beach is rocky only. There is no train here and it is a fairly isolated and cut-off area.
Could this be symbolism perhaps of my life in general while we roost here?
My point is this. Did I use the law of attraction to help gain these home-situations that I clearly had “envisioned” and focused on, many years prior? Or did I find these homes by my own idea of what I wanted and being lucky enough to find them?
Do you believe in luck? Or do we make our own luck?
Luck or Law, I like it.
My vision these days is very clear about never returning to that hostile environment of the past, or setting foot in that town I felt indentured in, ever again.
And I plan on continuing to use “luck” through “law” to progress my life ever closer to my “vision” for my family’s best life success.
Anyway, back then I always would tell people when I was out having a nice walk in nature and "making the best" of what I had within my hostile environment, how it would be so great if, at the bottom of the road (we were in rural farmland), instead of the highway, if there was a beach, or even a small train that stopped once an hour (like in my favourite quintessential English villages!), going onwards to the next town for some better shopping. I would daydream about that all the time. I would gaze into the distance and practically “see” the sea, and “see” the train, during my daily 3km hike with my baby in the stroller, stereo filling the wilderness with the sounds of anything from Abba to Anthrax, all the way to the top of our rural, backwoods road.
This road wound up a small mountain and had some dodgy spots where a flood had washed it out years before and the residents of the road had raised the funds to have the gap bridged with gravel. The stroller hated that part. My thighs thanked me for it later.
It was peaceful in spots…peaceful enough to sing really loudly. My oldest child (he was a baby then) learned about every amazing piece of music that I love, that tells the story of my life through song…and some awesome Mummy “Metal Queen” wails! We had some great hikes and they were an integral part of us maintaining a positive outlook through the hostility veil.
So now fast forward my life to what we gained once we finally left that rural life-suck/pot-soaked/hostile redneck small B.C. town. Every place we have lived since then, seems to almost fit my “vision” of what I “saw” and yearned for during those daily hikes.
1. England 2006…we lived in a stone cottage for a short time in a rural, Cornish village, with the sea at the end of our lane. We had fabulous bus access, nearby train, amazing beaches a short bus ride away, hiking trails…it was close to my vision.
2. Vancouver Island…of the two spots we lived in, the first (2006-2008) had a beach at the bottom of the road and an ocean view. The train passed right behind our house and I even had them let us off on our rural road on one train adventure!
The second place (2008-2009) had a proper train station within walking distance AND a wonderful sandy beach at the bottom of our road!
Both of these places were even closer to my vision still.
3. Sunshine Coast 2009- present…most amazing ocean view. Ever. Takes my breath away daily. Is highly therapeutic for my practically shut-in mum. The beach is at the bottom of our road yet again but the hike up from the bottom is steep and the beach is rocky only. There is no train here and it is a fairly isolated and cut-off area.
Could this be symbolism perhaps of my life in general while we roost here?
My point is this. Did I use the law of attraction to help gain these home-situations that I clearly had “envisioned” and focused on, many years prior? Or did I find these homes by my own idea of what I wanted and being lucky enough to find them?
Do you believe in luck? Or do we make our own luck?
Luck or Law, I like it.
My vision these days is very clear about never returning to that hostile environment of the past, or setting foot in that town I felt indentured in, ever again.
And I plan on continuing to use “luck” through “law” to progress my life ever closer to my “vision” for my family’s best life success.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
...And just think...until earlier this year I would NEVER use such a mod-con as a DISHWASHER!
I am so tired of doing dishes. But three kids make a lot of dishes. And dishes I would like to have finished yesterday are now waiting until tomorrow because Mum needed some scones, or the baby was clingy, or the room just could not wait another day before vaccuming…well that last one does have a bonus factor of being able to create a new game called “whoever picks up the most toys wins a prize!” Or as close to that kind of title that my brain can come up with, on the spot. :)
What I need right now though, is someone to fix my dishwasher. I cannot stand the way the kitchen gets behind. This upsets my Mum and she tells me I am not working hard enough or prioritizing. She tells me to “get my head out of the clouds, stop focusing on writing and focus more on getting your housework done!” This is the complete opposite of what she taught me growing up…it is devastating what happens to someone in old age. It is hard to watch but necessary. I wish I could get Mum where she wants to be, and maybe one day I will. But for now, I just have to keep positive and do my best to keep her positive too. I am so grateful for the good days and I ride out the bad ones the best I can.
So in order for me to have even an ounce of time to myself to be creative (I get grumpy if I have done nothing creative in 24 hours), I pretty much have to stick it on the bottom of the totem pole. Isn’t that where a mother’s time and energy for herself and HER wants and needs usually sits? I am no stranger to this position and I know how to make it work. Most of the time.
But it would make my life just a teensy, tiny bit better if I could find someone to fix my dishwasher.
What I need right now though, is someone to fix my dishwasher. I cannot stand the way the kitchen gets behind. This upsets my Mum and she tells me I am not working hard enough or prioritizing. She tells me to “get my head out of the clouds, stop focusing on writing and focus more on getting your housework done!” This is the complete opposite of what she taught me growing up…it is devastating what happens to someone in old age. It is hard to watch but necessary. I wish I could get Mum where she wants to be, and maybe one day I will. But for now, I just have to keep positive and do my best to keep her positive too. I am so grateful for the good days and I ride out the bad ones the best I can.
So in order for me to have even an ounce of time to myself to be creative (I get grumpy if I have done nothing creative in 24 hours), I pretty much have to stick it on the bottom of the totem pole. Isn’t that where a mother’s time and energy for herself and HER wants and needs usually sits? I am no stranger to this position and I know how to make it work. Most of the time.
But it would make my life just a teensy, tiny bit better if I could find someone to fix my dishwasher.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Multi-tasking Metal Queen...Bieber's world may be at 2.0 but mine is set all the way to 10!!
When asked recently why I did not go to “work”, I began trying to explain the amount of work involved with being a full time, SINGLE (ahem!) stay at home Mum to three children (I am homeschooling the oldest), and two dogs, AND, as a thriving member of the SANDWICH generation, caregiver to my own elderly mum of eighty-seven. But my explanations always seem to be lost on deaf ears. Those who have never tried the work that I do, have no concept of how much energy, brain power or imagination it takes, each and every day, twenty-four hours a day. Well, sometimes I sleep. But never for more than four hours at a time, max. Is that normal, I wonder? What is normal about my situation though? Maybe it is MY normal. :)
I thought I would lay out the contents of my “normal” insane (?) day and see where oh where I am going to fit in the time to be a travel agent from home? So far I have only been training and it is not too bad to spend a short time on the phone and training through the computer, but how will it be when I add an eight hour shift into the mix? Will I be able to multi-task that into the day successfully?
My day begins very early…to have some time to myself, I often rise around 5am, after the final nudge for breast comfort from my youngest of 18 months, who takes up residence in my bed from approximately 2am onwards. We are still weaning and night time nursing is almost all he has left, poor lamb.
From 5am-6am I indulge in coffee, internet entertainment, emails, news and some metal (or sugary pop!) videos to get my morning started. If Rowan continues to sleep, I try and get some creativity flowing and work on one of my writing projects. But when the sun is rising, the best thing to do in those early morning hours to myself, is to stand on my deck and breathe in the morning air, watching the sunrise over the ocean before me. It is a glorious view and I feel so blessed every time I wallow in the vision before me. I love where I live right now.
Lately I have been visited by some very friendly blue-jays…they come to my deck and sit on the railings, silently observing me. I have never seen blue-jays be this vibrantly blue and Mum thinks it is a sign of good fortune. Maybe she is right. I love that the children always take the time to stop and point out the birds…no matter where we are, I have encouraged taking notice of nature as a fulfilling part of life and I love it when it shows in them.
My “me” time is shattered when the baby stumbles down the hall to find me, usually around 7am. I snuggle with him on the couch and start my morning with the previous night’s George Strombo show, followed by anything else I need to catch up on stored on my PVR. By 8am, my older two are awake and take over the couch and TV while I get breakfasts for everyone. Artzooka is my six year old son’s morning viewing choice which is a good lead in to his homeschooling lessons.I spend from 8am-9am tidying up the kitchen, sorting dishes, preparing my son’s school area and arranging an art or craft thing for my four year old daughter to do. I never sit to eat breakfast, I just eat as I go. It works. :)
At 9am, my daughter and I get washed up together and ready for the day, then we give big brother the bathroom and my girl goes downstairs to do her activity with Grandma. She usually gets some nice cakes or sweets from Grandma and they have a good time together. They are the best of friends, as it should be.
My son sits at the table from 9am to 11am to do school work, which I oversee. I sit with him and do a variety of lessons with him in between dealing with getting the baby dressed and chasing him about. It is a mega juggling act!
Some days I fall short of my self-imposed schedule, but since I am a Virgo into structure and order, things usually go fairly according to plan.
When my oldest finishes lessons, he heads downstairs to join Grandma and his sister for a bit, and if Grandma has had enough, then they play in the rec room nicely. Well, I “aim” for nicely, because as they keep seeing from trial and error, when you treat each other “nicely”, we all have a better day, lots more fun, feel good, etc. The more they keep seeing that, the better they respond to it. Time. All in good time. We bear some battle scars from Daddy and as time goes on, those scars fade and heal.
I take the baby for his nap at 11am and if I am lucky, he is asleep by 1130am. If he wants to fidget and play, it takes me longer and then I get so sleepy laying there, I just want to drift off for a nice nap…HELLO REALITY CHECK! Um, no. I can’t have a nap. I have to get lunch. And if I do actually manage to sneak a peek into dreamland, I am pulled back to earth very quickly by someone shouting, “Mummy!!! I’m hungry!!!”
Ok, so from noon-1pm I make some lunch. Did I mention I hate cooking? No, hate is too strong a word. I greatly dislike cooking. :) I do it because they have to have nutrition and I can follow a recipe. But some days it just seems like all I do is cook. And I could menu-plan like my BFF tried to teach me but taking time to menu-plan would take time away from me doing something creative, or reading a chapter of the latest Colin Angus book, so no. Maybe one day I will buckle down and make some menu plans. One day when I have some TIME.However. Until I find that time (or get someone to do it for me!), I stick to what I know and keep on aiming for nutritional balance or fun, creative meals. Whatever works to get them to eat and be happy about eating!
I don’t mind if they eat in the living room. They have a kid sized table and lunch is a good time to view a dinosaur documentary or some other educational video. I eat at the kitchen counter while cleaning up and getting more school work arranged. If I get a moment, I might be able to take a load of laundry downstairs. But Mum might request scones or some other baked good, in which case it becomes a great Home-Ec lesson for both my oldest son and my daughter. I always have to push myself (as a kitchen hater! I mean disliker.) to bake stuff with them though and it is on my list of “activities to do with children at home” which I consult often! I can make any task fun when I need to! :)
They are fabulous bakers though. Better than I am for sure and with far more enthusiasm! It makes a huge mess and that gets my cleaning super behind, but the fun outweighs the mess. Memories are made with every baking spill…
After lunch, the oldest two usually go outside to play, or if it is raining, I arrange an activity for them at the table. This is when the baby generally wakes up and I pop him into his high chair for lunch. While he eats, I tidy up, get dishes done, continue with laundry, sneak onto the computer (if lucky), squeeze a page of reading or writing in OR do some singing with whatever music I have on, and maybe take a few moments to sit down and breathe. Maybe. Or maybe the floor needs mopping, or the bathroom cleaning…the chores are neverending it seems. But the key is to keep going and keep progressing every day. Nothing is forever. This is now.
I have to start planning dinner by 3pm. I often look online to create a recipe around whatever meat I took out the night before (or that morning, whenever I remember!) and I get all the ingredients sorted out for that and then I take the baby outside to join the others, or I chase him round the house for free play. There is so much lego it is hard to be on top of it all so when my baby is on the loose, I have to drop everything to chase around behind him. If he is having a good time and playing safely in each room he enters, I try and do some tidying, laundry sorting, etc wherever he is playing.
To make myself feel good, at least once a week I put on one of my amazing organic Eminence masques (haha, this could be a plug for that company!) and let it sit on my face all day. Have been loving the results on my skin from the rose line I began using this summer. Small, but important indulgences, I feel.
When the sun is shining and the children are happily playing outside, I sometimes tackle some outdoor work. Like mowing the lawn. I really hate, oops I mean, “dislike” :) any manual labour tasks and soooo wish a strong prince charming would come along and do it for me…until then though, I slowly get on with it. If I can’t muster the strength to “get on with it”, (this calls to mind the gross phrase often chucked at me of “suck it up”…this is such an unkind phrase and makes one not want to suck anything up at all! At least in my case…it simply makes me sulky!) instead I try and bring a notebook outside with me and do some longhand work on whatever project I am working on while the children play around me. This exact blog was written in longhand over a stretch of days before I used some of my early morning ME time to post and edit it into word.
By 430pm, I have to head back to the kitchen (again?! Arrgh!) and prepare supper. If Mum feels up to it, she often stays outside with the children while I disappear to slave over a hot stove. If it is rainy out, my oldest will do some more school work at the table and the others stay with Grandma for stories and snacks.
I serve supper at 6pm which can sometimes be a struggle to get everyone sitting round the table and paying attention to eating. But I strive for it as an important factor of our day. My oldest son is already quite good at setting the table and takes great pride in this chore. Children love routine and chores…for the most part! Some things still elicit heel dragging though!
After supper, the baby hangs out with me in his high chair while I embark on more (yes, you guessed it!!) kitchen clean up. The oldest two tend to disappear to the bedroom with their desserts or downstairs to the rec room. This makes for a fun game for me of “hunt for dishes”, spread over the week whenever I have time…or whenever we run out of dessert bowls, whichever happens first!
If it is a bath night, I try and get the baby dealt with first, then secured in his playpen while I direct the other two through shower or bath time.
I aim to get everyone to bed by 8pm (which usually does not actually take place until 9pm or later once you figure in story, snacks and, generally more negotiating than my brain can handle at this point!) and then, if I am lucky, I find some time to chill on the couch and enjoy Coronation Street and Eastenders. If I am feeling extra saucy, I will maybe check out something else I have taped…Graham Norton is a current fave!
More often than not though, I will only get to catch up on any TV on the weekend, when and if I can sneak it in. By the time the children are asleep most evenings I am far too tired to stay awake another moment and am asleep for my first 4 hour stretch before my head even hits the pillow.
Some people will see this blog as self-indulgent whining. It is not meant in that way at all. It is merely a peek at what I do, how I do it, and what it takes to get it done. I am proud of myself, exhausted, sometimes can use a nice bit of ego-stroking, and overall, contented and happy.
If I can make the travel agent thing work, I will be able to provide a trip for us to Hawaii (next on my list of where I want to visit…volcanoes for the children, beaches for me!!) and I will be one step closer to the greater goals. So I just have to fit it in, I have to stretch myself thinner and make it work to reap the rewards.
I feel I am exactly where I want to be right now and I am lining up everything in my life to head towards my ultimate life’s destiny.
Group hug! :)
I thought I would lay out the contents of my “normal” insane (?) day and see where oh where I am going to fit in the time to be a travel agent from home? So far I have only been training and it is not too bad to spend a short time on the phone and training through the computer, but how will it be when I add an eight hour shift into the mix? Will I be able to multi-task that into the day successfully?
My day begins very early…to have some time to myself, I often rise around 5am, after the final nudge for breast comfort from my youngest of 18 months, who takes up residence in my bed from approximately 2am onwards. We are still weaning and night time nursing is almost all he has left, poor lamb.
From 5am-6am I indulge in coffee, internet entertainment, emails, news and some metal (or sugary pop!) videos to get my morning started. If Rowan continues to sleep, I try and get some creativity flowing and work on one of my writing projects. But when the sun is rising, the best thing to do in those early morning hours to myself, is to stand on my deck and breathe in the morning air, watching the sunrise over the ocean before me. It is a glorious view and I feel so blessed every time I wallow in the vision before me. I love where I live right now.
Lately I have been visited by some very friendly blue-jays…they come to my deck and sit on the railings, silently observing me. I have never seen blue-jays be this vibrantly blue and Mum thinks it is a sign of good fortune. Maybe she is right. I love that the children always take the time to stop and point out the birds…no matter where we are, I have encouraged taking notice of nature as a fulfilling part of life and I love it when it shows in them.
My “me” time is shattered when the baby stumbles down the hall to find me, usually around 7am. I snuggle with him on the couch and start my morning with the previous night’s George Strombo show, followed by anything else I need to catch up on stored on my PVR. By 8am, my older two are awake and take over the couch and TV while I get breakfasts for everyone. Artzooka is my six year old son’s morning viewing choice which is a good lead in to his homeschooling lessons.I spend from 8am-9am tidying up the kitchen, sorting dishes, preparing my son’s school area and arranging an art or craft thing for my four year old daughter to do. I never sit to eat breakfast, I just eat as I go. It works. :)
At 9am, my daughter and I get washed up together and ready for the day, then we give big brother the bathroom and my girl goes downstairs to do her activity with Grandma. She usually gets some nice cakes or sweets from Grandma and they have a good time together. They are the best of friends, as it should be.
My son sits at the table from 9am to 11am to do school work, which I oversee. I sit with him and do a variety of lessons with him in between dealing with getting the baby dressed and chasing him about. It is a mega juggling act!
Some days I fall short of my self-imposed schedule, but since I am a Virgo into structure and order, things usually go fairly according to plan.
When my oldest finishes lessons, he heads downstairs to join Grandma and his sister for a bit, and if Grandma has had enough, then they play in the rec room nicely. Well, I “aim” for nicely, because as they keep seeing from trial and error, when you treat each other “nicely”, we all have a better day, lots more fun, feel good, etc. The more they keep seeing that, the better they respond to it. Time. All in good time. We bear some battle scars from Daddy and as time goes on, those scars fade and heal.
I take the baby for his nap at 11am and if I am lucky, he is asleep by 1130am. If he wants to fidget and play, it takes me longer and then I get so sleepy laying there, I just want to drift off for a nice nap…HELLO REALITY CHECK! Um, no. I can’t have a nap. I have to get lunch. And if I do actually manage to sneak a peek into dreamland, I am pulled back to earth very quickly by someone shouting, “Mummy!!! I’m hungry!!!”
Ok, so from noon-1pm I make some lunch. Did I mention I hate cooking? No, hate is too strong a word. I greatly dislike cooking. :) I do it because they have to have nutrition and I can follow a recipe. But some days it just seems like all I do is cook. And I could menu-plan like my BFF tried to teach me but taking time to menu-plan would take time away from me doing something creative, or reading a chapter of the latest Colin Angus book, so no. Maybe one day I will buckle down and make some menu plans. One day when I have some TIME.However. Until I find that time (or get someone to do it for me!), I stick to what I know and keep on aiming for nutritional balance or fun, creative meals. Whatever works to get them to eat and be happy about eating!
I don’t mind if they eat in the living room. They have a kid sized table and lunch is a good time to view a dinosaur documentary or some other educational video. I eat at the kitchen counter while cleaning up and getting more school work arranged. If I get a moment, I might be able to take a load of laundry downstairs. But Mum might request scones or some other baked good, in which case it becomes a great Home-Ec lesson for both my oldest son and my daughter. I always have to push myself (as a kitchen hater! I mean disliker.) to bake stuff with them though and it is on my list of “activities to do with children at home” which I consult often! I can make any task fun when I need to! :)
They are fabulous bakers though. Better than I am for sure and with far more enthusiasm! It makes a huge mess and that gets my cleaning super behind, but the fun outweighs the mess. Memories are made with every baking spill…
After lunch, the oldest two usually go outside to play, or if it is raining, I arrange an activity for them at the table. This is when the baby generally wakes up and I pop him into his high chair for lunch. While he eats, I tidy up, get dishes done, continue with laundry, sneak onto the computer (if lucky), squeeze a page of reading or writing in OR do some singing with whatever music I have on, and maybe take a few moments to sit down and breathe. Maybe. Or maybe the floor needs mopping, or the bathroom cleaning…the chores are neverending it seems. But the key is to keep going and keep progressing every day. Nothing is forever. This is now.
I have to start planning dinner by 3pm. I often look online to create a recipe around whatever meat I took out the night before (or that morning, whenever I remember!) and I get all the ingredients sorted out for that and then I take the baby outside to join the others, or I chase him round the house for free play. There is so much lego it is hard to be on top of it all so when my baby is on the loose, I have to drop everything to chase around behind him. If he is having a good time and playing safely in each room he enters, I try and do some tidying, laundry sorting, etc wherever he is playing.
To make myself feel good, at least once a week I put on one of my amazing organic Eminence masques (haha, this could be a plug for that company!) and let it sit on my face all day. Have been loving the results on my skin from the rose line I began using this summer. Small, but important indulgences, I feel.
When the sun is shining and the children are happily playing outside, I sometimes tackle some outdoor work. Like mowing the lawn. I really hate, oops I mean, “dislike” :) any manual labour tasks and soooo wish a strong prince charming would come along and do it for me…until then though, I slowly get on with it. If I can’t muster the strength to “get on with it”, (this calls to mind the gross phrase often chucked at me of “suck it up”…this is such an unkind phrase and makes one not want to suck anything up at all! At least in my case…it simply makes me sulky!) instead I try and bring a notebook outside with me and do some longhand work on whatever project I am working on while the children play around me. This exact blog was written in longhand over a stretch of days before I used some of my early morning ME time to post and edit it into word.
By 430pm, I have to head back to the kitchen (again?! Arrgh!) and prepare supper. If Mum feels up to it, she often stays outside with the children while I disappear to slave over a hot stove. If it is rainy out, my oldest will do some more school work at the table and the others stay with Grandma for stories and snacks.
I serve supper at 6pm which can sometimes be a struggle to get everyone sitting round the table and paying attention to eating. But I strive for it as an important factor of our day. My oldest son is already quite good at setting the table and takes great pride in this chore. Children love routine and chores…for the most part! Some things still elicit heel dragging though!
After supper, the baby hangs out with me in his high chair while I embark on more (yes, you guessed it!!) kitchen clean up. The oldest two tend to disappear to the bedroom with their desserts or downstairs to the rec room. This makes for a fun game for me of “hunt for dishes”, spread over the week whenever I have time…or whenever we run out of dessert bowls, whichever happens first!
If it is a bath night, I try and get the baby dealt with first, then secured in his playpen while I direct the other two through shower or bath time.
I aim to get everyone to bed by 8pm (which usually does not actually take place until 9pm or later once you figure in story, snacks and, generally more negotiating than my brain can handle at this point!) and then, if I am lucky, I find some time to chill on the couch and enjoy Coronation Street and Eastenders. If I am feeling extra saucy, I will maybe check out something else I have taped…Graham Norton is a current fave!
More often than not though, I will only get to catch up on any TV on the weekend, when and if I can sneak it in. By the time the children are asleep most evenings I am far too tired to stay awake another moment and am asleep for my first 4 hour stretch before my head even hits the pillow.
Some people will see this blog as self-indulgent whining. It is not meant in that way at all. It is merely a peek at what I do, how I do it, and what it takes to get it done. I am proud of myself, exhausted, sometimes can use a nice bit of ego-stroking, and overall, contented and happy.
If I can make the travel agent thing work, I will be able to provide a trip for us to Hawaii (next on my list of where I want to visit…volcanoes for the children, beaches for me!!) and I will be one step closer to the greater goals. So I just have to fit it in, I have to stretch myself thinner and make it work to reap the rewards.
I feel I am exactly where I want to be right now and I am lining up everything in my life to head towards my ultimate life’s destiny.
Group hug! :)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Children need a parent at home...
It has been over a year since I last blogged. Life gets in the way of blogging, especially when I have been busy creating life! Baby number 3 arrived in April 2009 and life has been a whirlwind ever since.
I feel so blessed and so thankful to have my babies. They are my entire life and there is no place I would rather be than with them 24/7. Yet, I constantly am asked "how can you stand being home with your kids all the time?" That question does not even make sense to me! If I didn't want to be with them, I wouldn't have had them!
When I think of all the women and mothers that I know who feel that by giving birth, they have already done enough for the children and now they need to get back to their "own lives", it makes me cringe! What life do I even need beyond the children? I just don't understand anyone yearning for more than the children...
So when other mums say to me, "how can you stand being at home 24/7 in kidland? don't you want to go to work to escape the hell? doesn't your husband get mad if you don't work?", these comments make me sick. I can't imagine being away at work all day, and not being able to play with my kids and dance, sing, do crafts, baking, have outings...how much I would miss! And for what? So I could excel at my CAREER? Whatever. Women who say "oh my career is still important to me", have no clue what self sacrifice is and that when you have a child, you become secondary in life and a career should take a back burner until the children are in school full time at least.
I firmly believe the first 5 yrs of a child's life are important enough to warrant a mum or a dad being home full time and raising them.
Ok and then I get people saying to me, "oh we can't afford to do that." BULL! These are people with car payments or large mortgages or every electronic item under the sun....get a 2nd hand car or take the bus! Move to a smaller area and get a cheaper home! Stop worrying about all the materialism you HAVE to have and HAVE to work for....please! Your children come first and if it means being poorer or going with less, then so be it! Women just use it as an EXCUSE to shirk their parenting off onto daycares or sitters as a way to get out of raising the kids themselves. Hence the whole, "oh i HAVE to work" excuse. No, no mother HAS to work, there is always another way so that she can be home with the kids, always. The simple fact is not enough know what it means to be selfless and give over their own lives to the children.
And it makes me angry and sad.
Then there are the single mothers. They say "oh I HAVE to work, I can't just live on welfare!" Well, um, yes they can if they know how to budget! What is more important...going with less and being there for your kids or having someone else raise your kids while you work work work to pay that person and have more STUFF or a bigger and better home?
Ok, so let's say welfare is not enough to even get by on...then why can't these women take jobs that are LIVE IN positions so that they can be home with the kids still 24/7? Lots of jobs out there come with accommodation if you have the desire and drive to look for them...managing small country motels or inns, being the caretaker of a campsite, being the caretaker of a wildlife shelter, being a groundsperson/bookeeper/overseer for a wealthy landowner who provides a guest cottage to live in....so many options. I could go on and on. The fact is though that single women or many women in general do not want to move heaven and earth to be at home with their kids.
They WANT to work in order to not have to be with them. Some might say, "well what is wrong with a mother still wanting a life outside of the home?" Nothing, once the kids are developing their own lives and starting school....but everything is wrong with it when a mother cannot see that she does not get to have a life outside the home once she has chosen to give birth! The children need their mothers! But too many mothers are all about ME ME ME ME.
And any husband worth his salt will praise his wife for staying home and raising the kids and looking after the home! Only losers get mad if their wives don't get out there to work! What a backwards, horrible, selfish view!
There is my rant for the day! :)
I feel so blessed and so thankful to have my babies. They are my entire life and there is no place I would rather be than with them 24/7. Yet, I constantly am asked "how can you stand being home with your kids all the time?" That question does not even make sense to me! If I didn't want to be with them, I wouldn't have had them!
When I think of all the women and mothers that I know who feel that by giving birth, they have already done enough for the children and now they need to get back to their "own lives", it makes me cringe! What life do I even need beyond the children? I just don't understand anyone yearning for more than the children...
So when other mums say to me, "how can you stand being at home 24/7 in kidland? don't you want to go to work to escape the hell? doesn't your husband get mad if you don't work?", these comments make me sick. I can't imagine being away at work all day, and not being able to play with my kids and dance, sing, do crafts, baking, have outings...how much I would miss! And for what? So I could excel at my CAREER? Whatever. Women who say "oh my career is still important to me", have no clue what self sacrifice is and that when you have a child, you become secondary in life and a career should take a back burner until the children are in school full time at least.
I firmly believe the first 5 yrs of a child's life are important enough to warrant a mum or a dad being home full time and raising them.
Ok and then I get people saying to me, "oh we can't afford to do that." BULL! These are people with car payments or large mortgages or every electronic item under the sun....get a 2nd hand car or take the bus! Move to a smaller area and get a cheaper home! Stop worrying about all the materialism you HAVE to have and HAVE to work for....please! Your children come first and if it means being poorer or going with less, then so be it! Women just use it as an EXCUSE to shirk their parenting off onto daycares or sitters as a way to get out of raising the kids themselves. Hence the whole, "oh i HAVE to work" excuse. No, no mother HAS to work, there is always another way so that she can be home with the kids, always. The simple fact is not enough know what it means to be selfless and give over their own lives to the children.
And it makes me angry and sad.
Then there are the single mothers. They say "oh I HAVE to work, I can't just live on welfare!" Well, um, yes they can if they know how to budget! What is more important...going with less and being there for your kids or having someone else raise your kids while you work work work to pay that person and have more STUFF or a bigger and better home?
Ok, so let's say welfare is not enough to even get by on...then why can't these women take jobs that are LIVE IN positions so that they can be home with the kids still 24/7? Lots of jobs out there come with accommodation if you have the desire and drive to look for them...managing small country motels or inns, being the caretaker of a campsite, being the caretaker of a wildlife shelter, being a groundsperson/bookeeper/overseer for a wealthy landowner who provides a guest cottage to live in....so many options. I could go on and on. The fact is though that single women or many women in general do not want to move heaven and earth to be at home with their kids.
They WANT to work in order to not have to be with them. Some might say, "well what is wrong with a mother still wanting a life outside of the home?" Nothing, once the kids are developing their own lives and starting school....but everything is wrong with it when a mother cannot see that she does not get to have a life outside the home once she has chosen to give birth! The children need their mothers! But too many mothers are all about ME ME ME ME.
And any husband worth his salt will praise his wife for staying home and raising the kids and looking after the home! Only losers get mad if their wives don't get out there to work! What a backwards, horrible, selfish view!
There is my rant for the day! :)
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