The Blame Game

Most blame is a waste of time and energy. Blaming others does not bring forth any happiness within yourself, however, there are times when blame is simply a result of the circumstance. When the action that caused the blame happened simply as a bare fact, the best thing you can do is recognize it, accept it, be proud to not shoulder any self-blame IF there was no reason to do so, and then do not dwell on the situation any longer. It is what it is and moving forward in happiness is the best thing you can do.

If someone ran over to you and punched you in the face, it would be that person who took the negative action against you and the blame to them would be from that circumstance. But it is what you do with that blame that really is important.

It is important to look deeply within to see if you did contribute to the issue at hand before completely finding fault or laying blame on another. Just being a part of the relationship is a self contributory fact alone. But if there were actions of anger, negativity or hostility given out in the relationship and you were on the receiving end of it, it is best to just walk away and try to feel sorry for the one who felt such a need to cause that much pain to you, or to whoever they hurt. Lending empathy and being sympathetic to the person who has the need within themselves to mock, belittle, tease, hurt or betray you, is far better than blaming them for the actions or behaviours they took against you.

Some people believe the only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. I think in some cases that is true yes, especially if you hold onto the blame and have inner unhappiness needing to be dealt with. But if the only thing causing you unhappiness was the person you are blaming for wrongful actions against you, then perhaps once that person is eliminated from your life, all traces of unhappiness will vanish. After all, if they were so toxic to your life in the first place, perhaps the blame is somewhat justifiable for how they treated you: Blame to yourself for staying in a relationship with someone who sucked away all of your positive spirit. And blame to them for having such a cruel and cold heart.

But rather than hang onto any of that blame, instead try to find a reason to smile when you wear clothing they gifted you with, or when you write in that special notebook they gave you. Think of them fondly when a song comes on that brings them to mind. Send them loving and positive thoughts always, no matter what they did to you or how heartbreaking.

You cannot change what they did or how their actions affected you. You can however, change how you choose to deal with it.

As Liam Gallagher said, “Don’t look back in anger.”

Don’t hold onto blame. Because it is what it is. They did what they did and once it is over, it is done. Your lives are free from each other and only the memories remain. Let the memories be free from blame and filled only with the happiness of what was good about the time your lives once were entwined.

Mean People vs. Nice People

This is another blog from my former myspace blog, dated 9 Aug 2007. It has great relevance in my life right now so I thought I would repost it to try to help me deal with some recent pain I have been through from someone dear to my heart who I never, ever would have believed would step from the nice side over to the mean side. Or maybe I subconsciously did always know it but did not want to face it.



There are two types of people in this world: Nice people and Mean people. It is as simple as that....absolutely black and white.

Nice people care about the feelings of others, show compassion and share honest emotions.

Mean people are spiteful, uncompassionate and generally lack a deep conscience.

These two types of people meet all the time. In families....in work...in school...you will find these two basic types of people everywhere. These characteristics do not have any race, colour or creed. They are within everyone. You are either nice or you are mean. And when faced with each other, conflict and strife generally occur.

Now, can the mean person become nice? Or can the nice person become mean? Sometimes, yes. Certain aspects of either personality can manifest in anyone. A mean person can pretend to be nice. A nice person can behave in a mean way. But at the core, the result is still the same....you are either nice, or you are mean.

When a mean person behaves nicely, it is usually an act. It is what they want others to perceive them as or it is what they want to be but cannot truly achieve so they pretend. But when a nice person behaves in a mean way, they generally struggle with their conscience and feel badly for their behaviour, and learn from it and strive to change it.

If a mean person does change and completely stops the inner meanness, then they probably were never truly a mean person to begin with.

There is hope for everyone of course, but I have come to accept that those who are mean tend to stay that way and they are being who they are: Mean.

But I love watching the success stories unfold and seeing the nice people who behave in a mean way, all of a sudden have a lightbulb moment and begin to alter the mean behaviours and become the nice person they were born to be.

A nice person is who I was born to be and for that I am grateful.