2014 has been a very interesting year so far for me. Full of fun, excitement and friends…but also of more life changes and personal realities about those friends.
I have been a UK resident for almost two years now.
And a citizen for 15 months. The children are well settled in our gorgeous
little 3 room village school and I pledge my love and allegiance to our village
by writing a weekly events and news column about it in our local paper.
But do I feel this is it? Home at last? Where I want
to live for the rest of my life? Probably not. It is very close though. And
will definitely be home for a very long time to come. The children are having a
lovely childhood here in their tiny school of only 70 students, and with the
beach at our doorstep in such a peaceful place is everything I had hoped for
them to be blessed with in life here.
However, with small villages also comes some small
minds and a selection of discontented, gossipy people.
I had not even considered this element to be a
factor to my own happiness here as I felt so welcomed, embraced and befriended
by some seemingly wonderful people. I was swept up in new friendships which
blossomed quickly and it felt like we had been close our whole lives! Besides
these close friends, I also have many positive parent-friends through school
due to our children being friends and having playdates. Then there are also
dozens of locals I speak to on a regular basis, sometimes to gather news for
the paper, sometimes just for a hello and a chat. Overall, life in my little village by the sea
was pretty serene.
But then the serenity turned to strife. It all
unfolded slowly and I almost didn’t see it coming, as caught up as I was in my
bubble of happiness in my social circle.
I was also fairly distracted with another large life
event. The house we had been renting since we arrived in the village in 2013,
the sweet and perfect house overlooking the beach with an annex for my Mum, was
now being taken away from us as the owners no longer wished to rent it. So my
mind was constantly in motion and stress as I struggled to find us a new home.
Not an easy task considering how few large house rentals are available in this
area.
So with my mind busy with the moving issues, I
failed to notice that my friendship circle was shifting and not in a positive
way towards me. I picked up on many subtle clues and things said that made me
silently question the friendships, but I avoided confrontation due to 1.not
wanting the good times to end and 2.being too consumed with my moving stress…which
dragged on for more than 6 months!
As the weeks progressed, I started noticing catty
comments thrown my way about my appearance, rumblings of jealousy and some real
bitchiness, always disguised as mere “joking around”. I should have known from
the amount of gossip these women talked about others that they likely also
targeted me with their poisonous venom when I wasn’t around. In fact, I soon
became completely sure of it.
Why did these “friends” change towards me? Maybe
because I stand out. I am a loud and large personality. I jump up and sing on
stage with bands in the local pub, making a “show” of myself. I flirt with
young 20-ish year old boys even though I am 44 because I have the self
confidence to do so. They lack this confidence and so instead of cheering me
on, as true friends would, they tore me apart over it, and tried to bring me
down and strip away my inner goddess.
I think these women liked the thought of who I am
but when faced with my strength and personality up close and on a regular
basis, they hated me for having what they did not. And I am someone who would
only seek to encourage those who didn’t have it, to be an uplifting supporter
rallying to help my friends achieve whatever they wanted to do or become….that
is who I am.
But none of that matters if the people you are
trying to cheer on and support are so bitter, angry and discontent within
themselves that all they can give out is disrespect, gossip and scorn. These so-called
friendships had no place to go but down as they became increasingly annoyed by
who I am and the happiness and joy I strive to radiate and sparkle with.
It hurt when it all ended, right on my moving day
and on into the following week while I was away on holiday with the children.
Everything came to a head during such a busy, stressful time for me. A huge
implosion, where all of my fears and doubts about these people were proven
correct and the fall out that scattered forth from the blast, left miles of debris
which is still strewn all around me. This won’t be easy to overcome.
But overcome it I will.
As I create a new home within this wonderful house
we were so lucky to find, and start over here, I am also starting over here
without friends. I am grateful to have many people here who are amicable and
friendly to me, but I will really miss the social circle I had created with
these “girlfriends” and the fun times we shared.
However, I believe there will
be more good times to come and a new and better social circle, one that is free
from gossip or speaking in a mean spirited way about others. I want to find
people who don’t bash their neighbours or say cruel and mean words about
another mum from school and then speak to her with a smile on the playground. I
don’t want to be around mean or shallow people. I want to be around my type of
people. People who say loving words, kind words, and find positive points to
say about people they are discussing instead of hurtful gossip.
I want to be around other women who have the self
confidence to tell me I look beautiful and amazing as I do to them. I want to
be around people who are not embarrassed by me “showing off” or standing out in
my creative or musical aspects. I want encouragement and cheerleading, not
cattiness or put-downs.
And if I have to be alone until I find that, then so
be it. I am comfortable being alone. I am very social and love fun camaraderie,
but I am equally as content singing to my mirror into a hairbrush or having
lunch in a café on my own reading a good book.
Starting over in a new house, a few miles away from
my beloved village, is hard work. But starting over in my social life here is
even harder work.
But I will do it, and it will be great. It all
happens for a reason, and I think the universe just steered me away from being
with the wrong people so I could be ready and open to be with the right ones.
