Back To Sennen Village

I have never kept a low-profile or been a shrinking violet. I have never been a wallflower or a quiet, shy girl who sat in the corner. I have always been loud, outspoken and stood out like a sore thumb. Some people like this about me and gravitate towards me. Some people hate me for it and are instantly repelled. And some people think they like this about me but when they come in for a closer look, realize they really can’t stand me at all.

I used to spend hours agonizing over the ones who disliked me and didn’t “get” me. I wasted years of energy on what could never be understood, it just is what it is. I have had people tell me I need to change. But why? Why do I need to change, when by being me, I don’t hurt anyone else, I am loving and kind, and a decent, good person, but because I stand out and possess a loud and proud character, I should be expected to tone it down to suit someone else? 

I don’t think so.

But the battles I have faced over who I am have cost me my marriage…friendships…family members…jobs…house rentals...and I continue to wade through life, figuring out who is a keeper and who needs to be cast aside. And who should cast me aside. Do me a favour, please.

I am so grateful for those who get me. I am so grateful for having the experience to realize who doesn’t. And I am most grateful for having the strength to walk away from those who don’t.

I reflect on this as we are about to make a return to our beloved village of Sennen.

Through an incredible twist of fate, we have suddenly been blessed with a long-term house rental in Sennen. It is our favourite place in the UK, the village we moved to from Canada, where the children love their school and I am so in love with the village I write about it in our local paper each week. I don’t have a boyfriend, have not been on a date since my marriage ended YEARS ago, but would honestly like to get married to my village! That’s true love, right there!

It is hard to find a house rental in this area. When we moved from Sennen last August, we had to move a few miles away from the village, out into the rural countryside and take a bus to school, because after 7 months of searching, there simply was nothing available that would work for us. My parameters are fairly tight: I need enough bedrooms for myself and the children but must also have a ground floor bedroom and bathroom for Mum as she can’t climb stairs. In a small village, this is almost impossible to find and we were very lucky to find it when we arrived in 2013. 

So, when our current house rental reneged on their word to us that we would have a few years of secure tenancy, for a myriad of unjust reasons, I had to arrange a house rental even further away and we were all set to move there this week. But then, at the final hour, fate decided we were meant to be in Sennen instead and in a flash, everything changed. Everything fell into place and we have been blessed with a most wonderful house, walking distance to school and the beach, so perfect I want to cry whenever I think about how lucky we are to have had this happen. 

A kind universe has smiled on us…it knows how important Sennen is to me and made the impossible, possible. Everything works out as it is meant to and all my stressing and worry over having to move even further away and a longer bus ride to and from school, was all wasted energy. It has been a great lesson to teach me yet again, the importance of remaining calm and serene when immersed in challenging situations because the universe will make it right and what is meant to be, will be.

However, returning to Sennen means being back in the midst of a community where my personality is not always appreciated or welcomed. There are many people in the village who feel about me the same way people throughout my life have…repelled, turned off, annoyed, and generally do not “get me”. Those people do not matter to me, but it does suck that there remains this lack of harmony aimed at me and mine, simply based on my character and personality.

It has always been easy to shake it off in the past because I was never in such close proximity with disharmony towards me. I could either move away or not associate with those who disliked me. But now, in my little village, it is much harder to do that.

I often see the ex-friends who I spoke about in my blog post from August, the gossipy, nasty women who treated me so poorly. Now I will likely see them even more. The good thing though, is they don’t acknowledge me and I don’t acknowledge them. It works, it keeps the peace and we can all co-exist just fine. From some of the long-term locals, I have learned about many village residents who do not speak to one another…people who fell out many, many years ago and have blanked each other daily for more than half their lives! It seems surreal to me but it also seems to be a normal part of small village life here.

I want my village life. I love my village, the beach and the location, and the old-world feel, but I do not love standing out in any kind of negative way within such a small community. It is a hard sense of normal to become used to but slowly I am acclimating myself.

I should be used to this by now. This is how life has always been for me. I have always stood out, but not always liked for standing out. 

But when I am back in my village I will stand out with pride. I may not always live here….I don’t see it as my forever home. Is anywhere? Not for this wandering gypsy! But I do see it as a special place for me and my children and my Mum. We need this place right now, we need to be a part of this village right now. And come what may, we will be.

And I will continue to stand out. As I always have done. And as I always will.