Welfare

Welfare.

What an ugly, nasty little word.

I am sure it wasn't always that way. Before the introduction of the social welfare benefits system in Canada in the late 1960's which gained momentum by the 70's, the word welfare simply meant “well being“. Not any longer. Now it means dirty, low class, poor, gross, underpriviledged, druggies, smokers...these are all words that people have chosen with respect to calling someone a "welfare case".

I never thought I would ever be referred to in that way. Never. Because I never associated it with finances. I also most certainly do not see myself in that light at all either! I was brought up to believe that when people receive government hand-outs to live their lives, it was their free RIGHT to have these hand-outs by making a life in this country of Canada and to use any hand-outs such as EI, welfare, disability, was absolutely fine to do when needed. The money received may be known as welfare, but once the financial term became associated with socially disgraceful behaviours and lifestyles, it was almost impossible to mean anything else but a derogatory statement when the word welfare was used to describe anyone's financial situation. It has become synonymous with a lifestyle choice. However, I was taught that it is not about the finances at all. Even working people can behave in a "welfare" manner, and to behave in a "welfare" manner or to exhibit "welfare" behaviours within our society, is somehow "ok" by the masses, so long as you are in the working system and your children are in daycares and your tax dollars are being circulated properly.

Case in point: a relative of mine constantly screamed abusively at her child. She would punish her with hot sauce on the tongue and other aggressive punishments. Naturally, we clashed hard when I opposed her cruelty. My point here is that she was a working mother. Her child grew up in daycares while she worked hard, was in the single-parent working world system of car payments, house payments, etc. Yet she behaved deplorably towards her child. But most people within the working world environment did not think she was a bad mother at all. Most people applauded her choice to work, let the child be raised by daycares and so what if she is tough on her child? That was the general consensus.

But if you placed that same mother in a low rental with a welfare cheque each month and she treated her child in the same way...letting daycares raise the child so she can be lazy and claim some disability (which is a common thread/statistic in homes on welfare, sad but true, some relevant reasons, some not), her cruelty would be called out, child services stepping in and most people from society looking down at her.

So why is it this way? Have so many people abused the social welfare system that the connotations placed on the word welfare now, have made it impossible for anyone to be viewed as anything else other than exactly what the word brings to mind?

Was it from abuse of the system or the fact that the kids of the 1970s and 80's are now running this country and they all have a serious lack of compassion from conservative, narrow-minded judgements hammered into them from the MC himself and his crazy, excessive spending, harem-pant wearing ways?

Let’s look at the word NEED for a moment since I did bold type the words when needed. Who defines “need” when it comes to welfare?

For my own personal situation, I am allowed to have welfare, and my situation is based on fully-abiding, government regulations. So why am I judged and looked down upon for MY choice to accept government hand-outs during MY time of need?

Why do so many others feel they can define my NEED?

Even some of my closest friends look at me in a derogatory way and just cannot see why I should use THEIR tax dollars to support my life.

I don’t see it that way at all. I don’t feel I am doing anything wrong at all and I have no lack of pride by accepting welfare. None at all.

I would have a serious lack of pride though if my children were overlooked in any way. My days are spent catering to my children, playing with them, baking with them, teaching them, exploring the world with them…is that not a good enough reason for other people’s tax dollars to support? Are the children not worth it? Does a mother not deserve a salary for raising good human beings?

Many people would say to me, “why should WE help you and your kids? Why should we be responsible for your mistake when you married and had kids with the wrong person? Too bad, so sad…you need to give those kids a backbone, tell them to toughen up and get to daycare while you get out there and work hard like the rest of functioning society does!” I had that exact statement thrown at me via email. So sweet, isn‘t it? People are just so kind. NOT.

People who have known me have also criticized me for being on welfare and not "knowing my place". Meaning, because I am on welfare, I am expected to live in squalor, buy only the basic necessities, never take the children on trips, never purchase anything that the working man would not purchase. Talk about a restricted, regimental outlook. Yet it is the majority feeling right now. Why?

Case in point: I was made to feel bad from a fellow parent when I took the children to a special show in Vancouver. This parent wondered why should we get to go to a special show when she can't afford to take her kids? Um...my answer to that? Well you have two car payments and a house payment, and I don't! Regardless, she still didn't think we should get to have any treats from HER tax dollars. And this feeling is out there in the masses...have had close friends also express similar sentiments towards me and my choices while on welfare. So petty. So small. So mean.

Why do those on welfare have to behave like they are on welfare? Is it a slap in the face to the working man? Wouldn’t the working man be pleased that people on welfare want more out of life than to be stuck on welfare? And if there is time and a procedure involved for getting off the welfare system, is it right to expect a life to be placed inside a stereotypical box just to make other working people feel better about themselves?

When I was a working person, I honestly would never have an unkind thought towards any single parent who was using her benefits to provide the best and fullest life possible for her children and elderly parent.

I did have unkind thoughts towards the system abusers though…the ones who truly scammed the system by pretending to be ill, or having numerous cheques going to numerous addresses. Stuff like that bothers me, sure. But for every real scammer out there, there are dozens of legitimate benefit needs being met.

It is not up to us to determine need and I believe the legitimate needs being met far outweigh the ones who truly scam the system.

Instead of having a problem with me or others like me, why not petition the government to employ more detectives who spend time and effort investigating any suspicious fraud welfare takers?

People are becoming more and more, just out for number one. And yes, we should think about our own the most. I certainly do. But our actions to help our own should not hurt others. And if I felt for a moment that by using the welfare system to allow me to parent my kids full time until they are all in school, if I felt for a second that my actions harmed someone else and their life, I would not accept it. But that is not the case because if it was, I would not be allowed to have it. It is that simple.

Some people suggest I am a scammer. That I scam the system and somehow am “scamming” my way through life even. And leeching off my mum.

I know how this perception of me came about. It is by my own doing, of course.

When I was younger, I always “scammed” my way backstage to rock concerts by means of “white lies” told to band management, etc, in order to get the coveted backstage passes without having to do anything sleazy. And because of this “scamming” method, it is a word now used in association with me. That could be why.

I also have always had a knack for knowing how to get what you want. Whether it be a trip to England, or finding finances where others may not have realized finances existed, or simply locating a person or place with my super sleuth skills (somehow this also gets shoved under the scamming category!)…if that meant beating down doors (or finding proverbial “secret” back doors!) or maneuvering people or situations to help best gain what I want, so long as it does not hurt anyone else, then what is the problem?

People somehow think my “methods” are underhanded and sneaky and will end up taking away from their own lives in some way. Honestly, that is what it comes down to. I think anyway.

I did not want to end up on welfare. Who does? And there are people in my own family who abuse the system badly, which probably also shines a bad light on me because I get lumped in with all the system abusers due to family ties.

But I do not abuse or scam the system. It is a means to an end. It serves a purpose while my children are small and I am struggling to settle into life as a single mum. I also have my own mum to think about. I make meals for her and run up and down the stairs seeing to any needs she has. How would that work if I was gone all day?

The haters would say she needs to be in a home. And they justify it by saying how they are sure she would be happier to be away from the chaos of little kids and around her own age group.

For anyone who knows my mum, nothing is further from the truth. She does not like other old people and she tried senior life in an apt once and hated it, she felt like a chicken in a coop. She is not a joiner and not into socializing so all we can do is shut out the naysayers and just get on with what we know to be right.

By accepting welfare as my financial support in life, I am not harming anyone else, and my children and mum reap the benefits of me and my time for them. One day the children won’t be small any longer. One day my mum will no longer be alive. And one day I will return to conventional work when and if I have to. Providing I haven’t come into my own yet as a writer and have made my OWN financial success.

When that happens, I will be writing big cheques to donate to any government assisted help that has been there for me and mine.

We all have our own moral compasses and I feel mine is pointing exactly where it should be. Directly within. :)