Seven years ago I was living in a very hostile environment. Family problems, marriage problems. I wanted to be near the sea...a beach. Those are massively important elements I need in my life. The need to be near a beach only became uber-strong after I lived far away from it, I think.
Anyway, back then I always would tell people when I was out having a nice walk in nature and "making the best" of what I had within my hostile environment, how it would be so great if, at the bottom of the road (we were in rural farmland), instead of the highway, if there was a beach, or even a small train that stopped once an hour (like in my favourite quintessential English villages!), going onwards to the next town for some better shopping. I would daydream about that all the time. I would gaze into the distance and practically “see” the sea, and “see” the train, during my daily 3km hike with my baby in the stroller, stereo filling the wilderness with the sounds of anything from Abba to Anthrax, all the way to the top of our rural, backwoods road.
This road wound up a small mountain and had some dodgy spots where a flood had washed it out years before and the residents of the road had raised the funds to have the gap bridged with gravel. The stroller hated that part. My thighs thanked me for it later.
It was peaceful in spots…peaceful enough to sing really loudly. My oldest child (he was a baby then) learned about every amazing piece of music that I love, that tells the story of my life through song…and some awesome Mummy “Metal Queen” wails! We had some great hikes and they were an integral part of us maintaining a positive outlook through the hostility veil.
So now fast forward my life to what we gained once we finally left that rural life-suck/pot-soaked/hostile redneck small B.C. town. Every place we have lived since then, seems to almost fit my “vision” of what I “saw” and yearned for during those daily hikes.
1. England 2006…we lived in a stone cottage for a short time in a rural, Cornish village, with the sea at the end of our lane. We had fabulous bus access, nearby train, amazing beaches a short bus ride away, hiking trails…it was close to my vision.
2. Vancouver Island…of the two spots we lived in, the first (2006-2008) had a beach at the bottom of the road and an ocean view. The train passed right behind our house and I even had them let us off on our rural road on one train adventure!
The second place (2008-2009) had a proper train station within walking distance AND a wonderful sandy beach at the bottom of our road!
Both of these places were even closer to my vision still.
3. Sunshine Coast 2009- present…most amazing ocean view. Ever. Takes my breath away daily. Is highly therapeutic for my practically shut-in mum. The beach is at the bottom of our road yet again but the hike up from the bottom is steep and the beach is rocky only. There is no train here and it is a fairly isolated and cut-off area.
Could this be symbolism perhaps of my life in general while we roost here?
My point is this. Did I use the law of attraction to help gain these home-situations that I clearly had “envisioned” and focused on, many years prior? Or did I find these homes by my own idea of what I wanted and being lucky enough to find them?
Do you believe in luck? Or do we make our own luck?
Luck or Law, I like it.
My vision these days is very clear about never returning to that hostile environment of the past, or setting foot in that town I felt indentured in, ever again.
And I plan on continuing to use “luck” through “law” to progress my life ever closer to my “vision” for my family’s best life success.
one day where we will live
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
...And just think...until earlier this year I would NEVER use such a mod-con as a DISHWASHER!
I am so tired of doing dishes. But three kids make a lot of dishes. And dishes I would like to have finished yesterday are now waiting until tomorrow because Mum needed some scones, or the baby was clingy, or the room just could not wait another day before vaccuming…well that last one does have a bonus factor of being able to create a new game called “whoever picks up the most toys wins a prize!” Or as close to that kind of title that my brain can come up with, on the spot. :)
What I need right now though, is someone to fix my dishwasher. I cannot stand the way the kitchen gets behind. This upsets my Mum and she tells me I am not working hard enough or prioritizing. She tells me to “get my head out of the clouds, stop focusing on writing and focus more on getting your housework done!” This is the complete opposite of what she taught me growing up…it is devastating what happens to someone in old age. It is hard to watch but necessary. I wish I could get Mum where she wants to be, and maybe one day I will. But for now, I just have to keep positive and do my best to keep her positive too. I am so grateful for the good days and I ride out the bad ones the best I can.
So in order for me to have even an ounce of time to myself to be creative (I get grumpy if I have done nothing creative in 24 hours), I pretty much have to stick it on the bottom of the totem pole. Isn’t that where a mother’s time and energy for herself and HER wants and needs usually sits? I am no stranger to this position and I know how to make it work. Most of the time.
But it would make my life just a teensy, tiny bit better if I could find someone to fix my dishwasher.
What I need right now though, is someone to fix my dishwasher. I cannot stand the way the kitchen gets behind. This upsets my Mum and she tells me I am not working hard enough or prioritizing. She tells me to “get my head out of the clouds, stop focusing on writing and focus more on getting your housework done!” This is the complete opposite of what she taught me growing up…it is devastating what happens to someone in old age. It is hard to watch but necessary. I wish I could get Mum where she wants to be, and maybe one day I will. But for now, I just have to keep positive and do my best to keep her positive too. I am so grateful for the good days and I ride out the bad ones the best I can.
So in order for me to have even an ounce of time to myself to be creative (I get grumpy if I have done nothing creative in 24 hours), I pretty much have to stick it on the bottom of the totem pole. Isn’t that where a mother’s time and energy for herself and HER wants and needs usually sits? I am no stranger to this position and I know how to make it work. Most of the time.
But it would make my life just a teensy, tiny bit better if I could find someone to fix my dishwasher.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Multi-tasking Metal Queen...Bieber's world may be at 2.0 but mine is set all the way to 10!!
When asked recently why I did not go to “work”, I began trying to explain the amount of work involved with being a full time, SINGLE (ahem!) stay at home Mum to three children (I am homeschooling the oldest), and two dogs, AND, as a thriving member of the SANDWICH generation, caregiver to my own elderly mum of eighty-seven. But my explanations always seem to be lost on deaf ears. Those who have never tried the work that I do, have no concept of how much energy, brain power or imagination it takes, each and every day, twenty-four hours a day. Well, sometimes I sleep. But never for more than four hours at a time, max. Is that normal, I wonder? What is normal about my situation though? Maybe it is MY normal. :)
I thought I would lay out the contents of my “normal” insane (?) day and see where oh where I am going to fit in the time to be a travel agent from home? So far I have only been training and it is not too bad to spend a short time on the phone and training through the computer, but how will it be when I add an eight hour shift into the mix? Will I be able to multi-task that into the day successfully?
My day begins very early…to have some time to myself, I often rise around 5am, after the final nudge for breast comfort from my youngest of 18 months, who takes up residence in my bed from approximately 2am onwards. We are still weaning and night time nursing is almost all he has left, poor lamb.
From 5am-6am I indulge in coffee, internet entertainment, emails, news and some metal (or sugary pop!) videos to get my morning started. If Rowan continues to sleep, I try and get some creativity flowing and work on one of my writing projects. But when the sun is rising, the best thing to do in those early morning hours to myself, is to stand on my deck and breathe in the morning air, watching the sunrise over the ocean before me. It is a glorious view and I feel so blessed every time I wallow in the vision before me. I love where I live right now.
Lately I have been visited by some very friendly blue-jays…they come to my deck and sit on the railings, silently observing me. I have never seen blue-jays be this vibrantly blue and Mum thinks it is a sign of good fortune. Maybe she is right. I love that the children always take the time to stop and point out the birds…no matter where we are, I have encouraged taking notice of nature as a fulfilling part of life and I love it when it shows in them.
My “me” time is shattered when the baby stumbles down the hall to find me, usually around 7am. I snuggle with him on the couch and start my morning with the previous night’s George Strombo show, followed by anything else I need to catch up on stored on my PVR. By 8am, my older two are awake and take over the couch and TV while I get breakfasts for everyone. Artzooka is my six year old son’s morning viewing choice which is a good lead in to his homeschooling lessons.I spend from 8am-9am tidying up the kitchen, sorting dishes, preparing my son’s school area and arranging an art or craft thing for my four year old daughter to do. I never sit to eat breakfast, I just eat as I go. It works. :)
At 9am, my daughter and I get washed up together and ready for the day, then we give big brother the bathroom and my girl goes downstairs to do her activity with Grandma. She usually gets some nice cakes or sweets from Grandma and they have a good time together. They are the best of friends, as it should be.
My son sits at the table from 9am to 11am to do school work, which I oversee. I sit with him and do a variety of lessons with him in between dealing with getting the baby dressed and chasing him about. It is a mega juggling act!
Some days I fall short of my self-imposed schedule, but since I am a Virgo into structure and order, things usually go fairly according to plan.
When my oldest finishes lessons, he heads downstairs to join Grandma and his sister for a bit, and if Grandma has had enough, then they play in the rec room nicely. Well, I “aim” for nicely, because as they keep seeing from trial and error, when you treat each other “nicely”, we all have a better day, lots more fun, feel good, etc. The more they keep seeing that, the better they respond to it. Time. All in good time. We bear some battle scars from Daddy and as time goes on, those scars fade and heal.
I take the baby for his nap at 11am and if I am lucky, he is asleep by 1130am. If he wants to fidget and play, it takes me longer and then I get so sleepy laying there, I just want to drift off for a nice nap…HELLO REALITY CHECK! Um, no. I can’t have a nap. I have to get lunch. And if I do actually manage to sneak a peek into dreamland, I am pulled back to earth very quickly by someone shouting, “Mummy!!! I’m hungry!!!”
Ok, so from noon-1pm I make some lunch. Did I mention I hate cooking? No, hate is too strong a word. I greatly dislike cooking. :) I do it because they have to have nutrition and I can follow a recipe. But some days it just seems like all I do is cook. And I could menu-plan like my BFF tried to teach me but taking time to menu-plan would take time away from me doing something creative, or reading a chapter of the latest Colin Angus book, so no. Maybe one day I will buckle down and make some menu plans. One day when I have some TIME.However. Until I find that time (or get someone to do it for me!), I stick to what I know and keep on aiming for nutritional balance or fun, creative meals. Whatever works to get them to eat and be happy about eating!
I don’t mind if they eat in the living room. They have a kid sized table and lunch is a good time to view a dinosaur documentary or some other educational video. I eat at the kitchen counter while cleaning up and getting more school work arranged. If I get a moment, I might be able to take a load of laundry downstairs. But Mum might request scones or some other baked good, in which case it becomes a great Home-Ec lesson for both my oldest son and my daughter. I always have to push myself (as a kitchen hater! I mean disliker.) to bake stuff with them though and it is on my list of “activities to do with children at home” which I consult often! I can make any task fun when I need to! :)
They are fabulous bakers though. Better than I am for sure and with far more enthusiasm! It makes a huge mess and that gets my cleaning super behind, but the fun outweighs the mess. Memories are made with every baking spill…
After lunch, the oldest two usually go outside to play, or if it is raining, I arrange an activity for them at the table. This is when the baby generally wakes up and I pop him into his high chair for lunch. While he eats, I tidy up, get dishes done, continue with laundry, sneak onto the computer (if lucky), squeeze a page of reading or writing in OR do some singing with whatever music I have on, and maybe take a few moments to sit down and breathe. Maybe. Or maybe the floor needs mopping, or the bathroom cleaning…the chores are neverending it seems. But the key is to keep going and keep progressing every day. Nothing is forever. This is now.
I have to start planning dinner by 3pm. I often look online to create a recipe around whatever meat I took out the night before (or that morning, whenever I remember!) and I get all the ingredients sorted out for that and then I take the baby outside to join the others, or I chase him round the house for free play. There is so much lego it is hard to be on top of it all so when my baby is on the loose, I have to drop everything to chase around behind him. If he is having a good time and playing safely in each room he enters, I try and do some tidying, laundry sorting, etc wherever he is playing.
To make myself feel good, at least once a week I put on one of my amazing organic Eminence masques (haha, this could be a plug for that company!) and let it sit on my face all day. Have been loving the results on my skin from the rose line I began using this summer. Small, but important indulgences, I feel.
When the sun is shining and the children are happily playing outside, I sometimes tackle some outdoor work. Like mowing the lawn. I really hate, oops I mean, “dislike” :) any manual labour tasks and soooo wish a strong prince charming would come along and do it for me…until then though, I slowly get on with it. If I can’t muster the strength to “get on with it”, (this calls to mind the gross phrase often chucked at me of “suck it up”…this is such an unkind phrase and makes one not want to suck anything up at all! At least in my case…it simply makes me sulky!) instead I try and bring a notebook outside with me and do some longhand work on whatever project I am working on while the children play around me. This exact blog was written in longhand over a stretch of days before I used some of my early morning ME time to post and edit it into word.
By 430pm, I have to head back to the kitchen (again?! Arrgh!) and prepare supper. If Mum feels up to it, she often stays outside with the children while I disappear to slave over a hot stove. If it is rainy out, my oldest will do some more school work at the table and the others stay with Grandma for stories and snacks.
I serve supper at 6pm which can sometimes be a struggle to get everyone sitting round the table and paying attention to eating. But I strive for it as an important factor of our day. My oldest son is already quite good at setting the table and takes great pride in this chore. Children love routine and chores…for the most part! Some things still elicit heel dragging though!
After supper, the baby hangs out with me in his high chair while I embark on more (yes, you guessed it!!) kitchen clean up. The oldest two tend to disappear to the bedroom with their desserts or downstairs to the rec room. This makes for a fun game for me of “hunt for dishes”, spread over the week whenever I have time…or whenever we run out of dessert bowls, whichever happens first!
If it is a bath night, I try and get the baby dealt with first, then secured in his playpen while I direct the other two through shower or bath time.
I aim to get everyone to bed by 8pm (which usually does not actually take place until 9pm or later once you figure in story, snacks and, generally more negotiating than my brain can handle at this point!) and then, if I am lucky, I find some time to chill on the couch and enjoy Coronation Street and Eastenders. If I am feeling extra saucy, I will maybe check out something else I have taped…Graham Norton is a current fave!
More often than not though, I will only get to catch up on any TV on the weekend, when and if I can sneak it in. By the time the children are asleep most evenings I am far too tired to stay awake another moment and am asleep for my first 4 hour stretch before my head even hits the pillow.
Some people will see this blog as self-indulgent whining. It is not meant in that way at all. It is merely a peek at what I do, how I do it, and what it takes to get it done. I am proud of myself, exhausted, sometimes can use a nice bit of ego-stroking, and overall, contented and happy.
If I can make the travel agent thing work, I will be able to provide a trip for us to Hawaii (next on my list of where I want to visit…volcanoes for the children, beaches for me!!) and I will be one step closer to the greater goals. So I just have to fit it in, I have to stretch myself thinner and make it work to reap the rewards.
I feel I am exactly where I want to be right now and I am lining up everything in my life to head towards my ultimate life’s destiny.
Group hug! :)
I thought I would lay out the contents of my “normal” insane (?) day and see where oh where I am going to fit in the time to be a travel agent from home? So far I have only been training and it is not too bad to spend a short time on the phone and training through the computer, but how will it be when I add an eight hour shift into the mix? Will I be able to multi-task that into the day successfully?
My day begins very early…to have some time to myself, I often rise around 5am, after the final nudge for breast comfort from my youngest of 18 months, who takes up residence in my bed from approximately 2am onwards. We are still weaning and night time nursing is almost all he has left, poor lamb.
From 5am-6am I indulge in coffee, internet entertainment, emails, news and some metal (or sugary pop!) videos to get my morning started. If Rowan continues to sleep, I try and get some creativity flowing and work on one of my writing projects. But when the sun is rising, the best thing to do in those early morning hours to myself, is to stand on my deck and breathe in the morning air, watching the sunrise over the ocean before me. It is a glorious view and I feel so blessed every time I wallow in the vision before me. I love where I live right now.
Lately I have been visited by some very friendly blue-jays…they come to my deck and sit on the railings, silently observing me. I have never seen blue-jays be this vibrantly blue and Mum thinks it is a sign of good fortune. Maybe she is right. I love that the children always take the time to stop and point out the birds…no matter where we are, I have encouraged taking notice of nature as a fulfilling part of life and I love it when it shows in them.
My “me” time is shattered when the baby stumbles down the hall to find me, usually around 7am. I snuggle with him on the couch and start my morning with the previous night’s George Strombo show, followed by anything else I need to catch up on stored on my PVR. By 8am, my older two are awake and take over the couch and TV while I get breakfasts for everyone. Artzooka is my six year old son’s morning viewing choice which is a good lead in to his homeschooling lessons.I spend from 8am-9am tidying up the kitchen, sorting dishes, preparing my son’s school area and arranging an art or craft thing for my four year old daughter to do. I never sit to eat breakfast, I just eat as I go. It works. :)
At 9am, my daughter and I get washed up together and ready for the day, then we give big brother the bathroom and my girl goes downstairs to do her activity with Grandma. She usually gets some nice cakes or sweets from Grandma and they have a good time together. They are the best of friends, as it should be.
My son sits at the table from 9am to 11am to do school work, which I oversee. I sit with him and do a variety of lessons with him in between dealing with getting the baby dressed and chasing him about. It is a mega juggling act!
Some days I fall short of my self-imposed schedule, but since I am a Virgo into structure and order, things usually go fairly according to plan.
When my oldest finishes lessons, he heads downstairs to join Grandma and his sister for a bit, and if Grandma has had enough, then they play in the rec room nicely. Well, I “aim” for nicely, because as they keep seeing from trial and error, when you treat each other “nicely”, we all have a better day, lots more fun, feel good, etc. The more they keep seeing that, the better they respond to it. Time. All in good time. We bear some battle scars from Daddy and as time goes on, those scars fade and heal.
I take the baby for his nap at 11am and if I am lucky, he is asleep by 1130am. If he wants to fidget and play, it takes me longer and then I get so sleepy laying there, I just want to drift off for a nice nap…HELLO REALITY CHECK! Um, no. I can’t have a nap. I have to get lunch. And if I do actually manage to sneak a peek into dreamland, I am pulled back to earth very quickly by someone shouting, “Mummy!!! I’m hungry!!!”
Ok, so from noon-1pm I make some lunch. Did I mention I hate cooking? No, hate is too strong a word. I greatly dislike cooking. :) I do it because they have to have nutrition and I can follow a recipe. But some days it just seems like all I do is cook. And I could menu-plan like my BFF tried to teach me but taking time to menu-plan would take time away from me doing something creative, or reading a chapter of the latest Colin Angus book, so no. Maybe one day I will buckle down and make some menu plans. One day when I have some TIME.However. Until I find that time (or get someone to do it for me!), I stick to what I know and keep on aiming for nutritional balance or fun, creative meals. Whatever works to get them to eat and be happy about eating!
I don’t mind if they eat in the living room. They have a kid sized table and lunch is a good time to view a dinosaur documentary or some other educational video. I eat at the kitchen counter while cleaning up and getting more school work arranged. If I get a moment, I might be able to take a load of laundry downstairs. But Mum might request scones or some other baked good, in which case it becomes a great Home-Ec lesson for both my oldest son and my daughter. I always have to push myself (as a kitchen hater! I mean disliker.) to bake stuff with them though and it is on my list of “activities to do with children at home” which I consult often! I can make any task fun when I need to! :)
They are fabulous bakers though. Better than I am for sure and with far more enthusiasm! It makes a huge mess and that gets my cleaning super behind, but the fun outweighs the mess. Memories are made with every baking spill…
After lunch, the oldest two usually go outside to play, or if it is raining, I arrange an activity for them at the table. This is when the baby generally wakes up and I pop him into his high chair for lunch. While he eats, I tidy up, get dishes done, continue with laundry, sneak onto the computer (if lucky), squeeze a page of reading or writing in OR do some singing with whatever music I have on, and maybe take a few moments to sit down and breathe. Maybe. Or maybe the floor needs mopping, or the bathroom cleaning…the chores are neverending it seems. But the key is to keep going and keep progressing every day. Nothing is forever. This is now.
I have to start planning dinner by 3pm. I often look online to create a recipe around whatever meat I took out the night before (or that morning, whenever I remember!) and I get all the ingredients sorted out for that and then I take the baby outside to join the others, or I chase him round the house for free play. There is so much lego it is hard to be on top of it all so when my baby is on the loose, I have to drop everything to chase around behind him. If he is having a good time and playing safely in each room he enters, I try and do some tidying, laundry sorting, etc wherever he is playing.
To make myself feel good, at least once a week I put on one of my amazing organic Eminence masques (haha, this could be a plug for that company!) and let it sit on my face all day. Have been loving the results on my skin from the rose line I began using this summer. Small, but important indulgences, I feel.
When the sun is shining and the children are happily playing outside, I sometimes tackle some outdoor work. Like mowing the lawn. I really hate, oops I mean, “dislike” :) any manual labour tasks and soooo wish a strong prince charming would come along and do it for me…until then though, I slowly get on with it. If I can’t muster the strength to “get on with it”, (this calls to mind the gross phrase often chucked at me of “suck it up”…this is such an unkind phrase and makes one not want to suck anything up at all! At least in my case…it simply makes me sulky!) instead I try and bring a notebook outside with me and do some longhand work on whatever project I am working on while the children play around me. This exact blog was written in longhand over a stretch of days before I used some of my early morning ME time to post and edit it into word.
By 430pm, I have to head back to the kitchen (again?! Arrgh!) and prepare supper. If Mum feels up to it, she often stays outside with the children while I disappear to slave over a hot stove. If it is rainy out, my oldest will do some more school work at the table and the others stay with Grandma for stories and snacks.
I serve supper at 6pm which can sometimes be a struggle to get everyone sitting round the table and paying attention to eating. But I strive for it as an important factor of our day. My oldest son is already quite good at setting the table and takes great pride in this chore. Children love routine and chores…for the most part! Some things still elicit heel dragging though!
After supper, the baby hangs out with me in his high chair while I embark on more (yes, you guessed it!!) kitchen clean up. The oldest two tend to disappear to the bedroom with their desserts or downstairs to the rec room. This makes for a fun game for me of “hunt for dishes”, spread over the week whenever I have time…or whenever we run out of dessert bowls, whichever happens first!
If it is a bath night, I try and get the baby dealt with first, then secured in his playpen while I direct the other two through shower or bath time.
I aim to get everyone to bed by 8pm (which usually does not actually take place until 9pm or later once you figure in story, snacks and, generally more negotiating than my brain can handle at this point!) and then, if I am lucky, I find some time to chill on the couch and enjoy Coronation Street and Eastenders. If I am feeling extra saucy, I will maybe check out something else I have taped…Graham Norton is a current fave!
More often than not though, I will only get to catch up on any TV on the weekend, when and if I can sneak it in. By the time the children are asleep most evenings I am far too tired to stay awake another moment and am asleep for my first 4 hour stretch before my head even hits the pillow.
Some people will see this blog as self-indulgent whining. It is not meant in that way at all. It is merely a peek at what I do, how I do it, and what it takes to get it done. I am proud of myself, exhausted, sometimes can use a nice bit of ego-stroking, and overall, contented and happy.
If I can make the travel agent thing work, I will be able to provide a trip for us to Hawaii (next on my list of where I want to visit…volcanoes for the children, beaches for me!!) and I will be one step closer to the greater goals. So I just have to fit it in, I have to stretch myself thinner and make it work to reap the rewards.
I feel I am exactly where I want to be right now and I am lining up everything in my life to head towards my ultimate life’s destiny.
Group hug! :)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Children need a parent at home...
It has been over a year since I last blogged. Life gets in the way of blogging, especially when I have been busy creating life! Baby number 3 arrived in April 2009 and life has been a whirlwind ever since.
I feel so blessed and so thankful to have my babies. They are my entire life and there is no place I would rather be than with them 24/7. Yet, I constantly am asked "how can you stand being home with your kids all the time?" That question does not even make sense to me! If I didn't want to be with them, I wouldn't have had them!
When I think of all the women and mothers that I know who feel that by giving birth, they have already done enough for the children and now they need to get back to their "own lives", it makes me cringe! What life do I even need beyond the children? I just don't understand anyone yearning for more than the children...
So when other mums say to me, "how can you stand being at home 24/7 in kidland? don't you want to go to work to escape the hell? doesn't your husband get mad if you don't work?", these comments make me sick. I can't imagine being away at work all day, and not being able to play with my kids and dance, sing, do crafts, baking, have outings...how much I would miss! And for what? So I could excel at my CAREER? Whatever. Women who say "oh my career is still important to me", have no clue what self sacrifice is and that when you have a child, you become secondary in life and a career should take a back burner until the children are in school full time at least.
I firmly believe the first 5 yrs of a child's life are important enough to warrant a mum or a dad being home full time and raising them.
Ok and then I get people saying to me, "oh we can't afford to do that." BULL! These are people with car payments or large mortgages or every electronic item under the sun....get a 2nd hand car or take the bus! Move to a smaller area and get a cheaper home! Stop worrying about all the materialism you HAVE to have and HAVE to work for....please! Your children come first and if it means being poorer or going with less, then so be it! Women just use it as an EXCUSE to shirk their parenting off onto daycares or sitters as a way to get out of raising the kids themselves. Hence the whole, "oh i HAVE to work" excuse. No, no mother HAS to work, there is always another way so that she can be home with the kids, always. The simple fact is not enough know what it means to be selfless and give over their own lives to the children.
And it makes me angry and sad.
Then there are the single mothers. They say "oh I HAVE to work, I can't just live on welfare!" Well, um, yes they can if they know how to budget! What is more important...going with less and being there for your kids or having someone else raise your kids while you work work work to pay that person and have more STUFF or a bigger and better home?
Ok, so let's say welfare is not enough to even get by on...then why can't these women take jobs that are LIVE IN positions so that they can be home with the kids still 24/7? Lots of jobs out there come with accommodation if you have the desire and drive to look for them...managing small country motels or inns, being the caretaker of a campsite, being the caretaker of a wildlife shelter, being a groundsperson/bookeeper/overseer for a wealthy landowner who provides a guest cottage to live in....so many options. I could go on and on. The fact is though that single women or many women in general do not want to move heaven and earth to be at home with their kids.
They WANT to work in order to not have to be with them. Some might say, "well what is wrong with a mother still wanting a life outside of the home?" Nothing, once the kids are developing their own lives and starting school....but everything is wrong with it when a mother cannot see that she does not get to have a life outside the home once she has chosen to give birth! The children need their mothers! But too many mothers are all about ME ME ME ME.
And any husband worth his salt will praise his wife for staying home and raising the kids and looking after the home! Only losers get mad if their wives don't get out there to work! What a backwards, horrible, selfish view!
There is my rant for the day! :)
I feel so blessed and so thankful to have my babies. They are my entire life and there is no place I would rather be than with them 24/7. Yet, I constantly am asked "how can you stand being home with your kids all the time?" That question does not even make sense to me! If I didn't want to be with them, I wouldn't have had them!
When I think of all the women and mothers that I know who feel that by giving birth, they have already done enough for the children and now they need to get back to their "own lives", it makes me cringe! What life do I even need beyond the children? I just don't understand anyone yearning for more than the children...
So when other mums say to me, "how can you stand being at home 24/7 in kidland? don't you want to go to work to escape the hell? doesn't your husband get mad if you don't work?", these comments make me sick. I can't imagine being away at work all day, and not being able to play with my kids and dance, sing, do crafts, baking, have outings...how much I would miss! And for what? So I could excel at my CAREER? Whatever. Women who say "oh my career is still important to me", have no clue what self sacrifice is and that when you have a child, you become secondary in life and a career should take a back burner until the children are in school full time at least.
I firmly believe the first 5 yrs of a child's life are important enough to warrant a mum or a dad being home full time and raising them.
Ok and then I get people saying to me, "oh we can't afford to do that." BULL! These are people with car payments or large mortgages or every electronic item under the sun....get a 2nd hand car or take the bus! Move to a smaller area and get a cheaper home! Stop worrying about all the materialism you HAVE to have and HAVE to work for....please! Your children come first and if it means being poorer or going with less, then so be it! Women just use it as an EXCUSE to shirk their parenting off onto daycares or sitters as a way to get out of raising the kids themselves. Hence the whole, "oh i HAVE to work" excuse. No, no mother HAS to work, there is always another way so that she can be home with the kids, always. The simple fact is not enough know what it means to be selfless and give over their own lives to the children.
And it makes me angry and sad.
Then there are the single mothers. They say "oh I HAVE to work, I can't just live on welfare!" Well, um, yes they can if they know how to budget! What is more important...going with less and being there for your kids or having someone else raise your kids while you work work work to pay that person and have more STUFF or a bigger and better home?
Ok, so let's say welfare is not enough to even get by on...then why can't these women take jobs that are LIVE IN positions so that they can be home with the kids still 24/7? Lots of jobs out there come with accommodation if you have the desire and drive to look for them...managing small country motels or inns, being the caretaker of a campsite, being the caretaker of a wildlife shelter, being a groundsperson/bookeeper/overseer for a wealthy landowner who provides a guest cottage to live in....so many options. I could go on and on. The fact is though that single women or many women in general do not want to move heaven and earth to be at home with their kids.
They WANT to work in order to not have to be with them. Some might say, "well what is wrong with a mother still wanting a life outside of the home?" Nothing, once the kids are developing their own lives and starting school....but everything is wrong with it when a mother cannot see that she does not get to have a life outside the home once she has chosen to give birth! The children need their mothers! But too many mothers are all about ME ME ME ME.
And any husband worth his salt will praise his wife for staying home and raising the kids and looking after the home! Only losers get mad if their wives don't get out there to work! What a backwards, horrible, selfish view!
There is my rant for the day! :)
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Restaurant listings in guide books
One of my big goals in life is to be a travel guide book writer. I have already put together one guide book, called Backpack Europe With Your Dog, which has yet to be published. Seeing it's appeal is really only for a very specific niche market, it may or may never be picked up by a publisher. And honestly, I have grown lazy in my pursuit of it. I chalk it up to having been a great idea but one that fell flat. Just another reason however to try and try again, whether with doggie backpacking or something else.
I have alot of ideas. Something will happen for me with this goal, I know it will.
Even reading guidebooks and dreaming about where I am going to go next or where I want to PLAN to go next is a thrill. The planning is half the fun for me, which is another reason I love the time and effort it takes to put together my own guidebook. Research is awesome!
One thing I cannot stand when I am reading a Lonely Planet, Rough Guide or whatever the book in question may be, is the restaurant section. They always list suggestions for every town and city, all different price ranges with full details of each place. But as an extensive traveller, I can say with full certainty that I have never used any of these listings when looking for someplace to eat! I can't be bothered! What a waste of time to go hunting through unfamiliar territory to find the exact restaurant or cafe that Lonely Planet just happened to suggest when there are plenty of places within the same price ranges you can easily find just by poking about on your own?
I have to wonder how many travellers actually use the restaurant listings? In my doggie guide I did list some places for eating but only because they were doggie-friendly, and this is a specific requirement my reader would have! Even still, I may eliminate those listings because again, who wants to hunt around for them, especially with your dog in tow? So much easier really to just find a place you think looks good and pop in and ask if your dog is welcome...many places don't even have a dog policy but when asked, they just look at your dog and decide on the spot...he looks quiet and friendly so sure, he can come on in.
Overall, when I am my own guidebook entrepreneur I am definately not including a restaurant listing section!
I have alot of ideas. Something will happen for me with this goal, I know it will.
Even reading guidebooks and dreaming about where I am going to go next or where I want to PLAN to go next is a thrill. The planning is half the fun for me, which is another reason I love the time and effort it takes to put together my own guidebook. Research is awesome!
One thing I cannot stand when I am reading a Lonely Planet, Rough Guide or whatever the book in question may be, is the restaurant section. They always list suggestions for every town and city, all different price ranges with full details of each place. But as an extensive traveller, I can say with full certainty that I have never used any of these listings when looking for someplace to eat! I can't be bothered! What a waste of time to go hunting through unfamiliar territory to find the exact restaurant or cafe that Lonely Planet just happened to suggest when there are plenty of places within the same price ranges you can easily find just by poking about on your own?
I have to wonder how many travellers actually use the restaurant listings? In my doggie guide I did list some places for eating but only because they were doggie-friendly, and this is a specific requirement my reader would have! Even still, I may eliminate those listings because again, who wants to hunt around for them, especially with your dog in tow? So much easier really to just find a place you think looks good and pop in and ask if your dog is welcome...many places don't even have a dog policy but when asked, they just look at your dog and decide on the spot...he looks quiet and friendly so sure, he can come on in.
Overall, when I am my own guidebook entrepreneur I am definately not including a restaurant listing section!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Nice questions
Is it too hard to expect the important people in your life to just be NICE? Is this too high of an expectation to put onto other people? What is wrong with wanting to surround yourself with kind words, cheerfulness and a calm, happy demeanor about 90% of the time?
I can be this way myself no problem. I am a sunny, happy person. But when there are other people in my world who do not behave in this way, no matter how much of an example is set for them, then what is the solution?
Will my children be unable to learn the nice factor from me if it is always countered by negative, angry vibes from the other people they love? Or is it good for children to see both sides of life; the nice and the not as nice, so they can know which way is the better way to be?
Do I accept the less than sunny dispositions of the others or do I take my babies and walk away from that?
I just do not know. And I have asked myself this question for a very long time now.
A choice is looming. It has to be.
I can be this way myself no problem. I am a sunny, happy person. But when there are other people in my world who do not behave in this way, no matter how much of an example is set for them, then what is the solution?
Will my children be unable to learn the nice factor from me if it is always countered by negative, angry vibes from the other people they love? Or is it good for children to see both sides of life; the nice and the not as nice, so they can know which way is the better way to be?
Do I accept the less than sunny dispositions of the others or do I take my babies and walk away from that?
I just do not know. And I have asked myself this question for a very long time now.
A choice is looming. It has to be.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Ballet mothers!
My 4 year old son has been in preschool ballet for the school year. He is the only boy in a class of 8 sweet little tu-tu'ed girls. He loves to dance, sing, and perform in all ways possible...much like myself. So I thought I would try him in dance to see if he enjoyed it and not surprisingly, he loves it.
I take him to the dance studio once a week, leave him to have fun, and I go off to run some errands with the baby. When I pick him up he is happy and glowing. The interaction I have with the other mothers is minimal and casual, as one would expect. We don't see each other often or for very long so there is not really time to say much beyond the odd comment.
Usually when we arrive and everyone is waiting for the class to start, my son chases all the little girls around, pretending to be a dinosaur or some other prehistoric monster and they squeal and shriek with delight. If I ask him to slow down or stop for a breath, one girl or another will inevitably creep back up to him, egging him on to chase them again. They are precious and he adores them all. As they do him.
The mothers however, are a different story altogether. These are ballet mothers.
It has only been recently that I really could see them for what they are. With this being final rehearsal week and then the big performance weekend for the entire dance school, we began spending alot more time together. And I soon found out what exactly a ballet mother was all about.
It soon became apparant that running, screaming and shrieking in delighted PLAY was completely frowned upon by these mothers. They did not smile as their daughters tried to hide and run from the dinosaur boy. They did not say "awww" when he would catch one and hug them or tickle them. No, but what they did say alot was, "Stop it!" "Settle down!" "No running!" "No screaming!" "This is not the place for that!" "If you don't stop it, you can't dance today!"
I felt so sorry for these sweet little girls who just wanted to have fun! Yet because the movement of active children racing about, and the "noise" of their excited playing bothered these mothers, they put a stop to it. Whatever happened to putting your own discomfort aside so your children can have a good time? I also felt these stiff mothers were trying to uphold a behaviour standard or image amongst each other. Even my casual comments of, "oh they are having so much fun!" or "aren't they cute, noisy ha ha, but that's kids, right?" were not responded to in kind. I felt like a lone outcast with an unruly child, or so their icy stares proclaimed him silently.
Once dress rehearsals and performance time came, it got even worse. In the dressing room, my boy wanted to make forts under the tables, chase, and run and still have fun...basically just be a boy....be a kid! I continued to receive cold shoulder treatment, hostile looks and some mothers even went so far as to snarl at me, "Can you keep him away from her? She doesn't like that!" Hmm, that's funny, I would think, since when mother was not looking, the little ballerina who "doesn't like that" was wrestling with him and teasing him into another game of chase! I would just sigh and kindly speak to my boy once again and ask him to please not touch anyone, not poke, pinch or tickle and especially don't touch anyone's hair! All the mothers had spent ages hairspraying and pinning up their little ballerinas hair into perfectly coiffed and tight buns, so they practically had heart attacks when this little boy just looking to have fun would run by and try and poke one of these buns! Isn't that what boys do though? And I noticed many a girl smile or start to giggle at this before their mother noticed. But in the mothers' eyes, the only problem in the room was my boy and he was destroying their daughters' perfect poise.
Give me a break! I had seen all of these girls stripped of that poise that the mothers insisted upon and play with him as children should! Dance is supposed to be a fun activity, not a restrained and restricted one!
I was even given a "talking to" from one extra fierce mother who said there had been numerous complaints about my boy and he had to stop this behaviour right away as he was frightening and hurting many of the girls! I apologized and demurely said I would do my best to see he did not hurt anyone. This was so ridiculous because I always watched him like a hawk (unlike the other mothers who were too busy chatting or gossiping to watch their children closely!) and I knew for sure that any so-called "hurting" was merely the same rough play they had always engaged in.
To be fair, there were a couple of mothers who did lighten up during the course of the show weekend, and spoke a little more friendly to me. One mother even told me she did not like this dance school and was hoping not to bring her daughter back in the Fall. Well, I liked the school alot....the teachers are warm and caring and they make it fun for the children. It is the level of unfriendliness and severity given out from the mothers that spoil it so much.
I am sure these mothers would behave this way with their children in whatever event or sport or public outing they were in....tense, terse and restrained. I see that all the time and always know it is the problem of the parent, not of the child. The child just wants to be a kid....but the parent refuses to allow them their natural enthusiasm or energy to burst forth in any kind of public setting or social gathering. These are the parents' own fears and issues that their child might stand out or be viewed as less than conforming to "proper behaviour" but honestly, if it is not hurting anyone else, then why be so restrictive? Children love to shriek and scream but because adults don't do that and other adults might not like it, these enforcements are placed on the children. And not just from vocal noise but from any large physical movements too. As these children grow, they lose their natural exuberance and become a "stiffer" person than maybe they would have been, had they not been held back from exhibiting their energy and zest for life so much.
But then again, maybe that is exactly what these ballet mothers want from their daughters....stiff little carbon copies of themselves.
I take him to the dance studio once a week, leave him to have fun, and I go off to run some errands with the baby. When I pick him up he is happy and glowing. The interaction I have with the other mothers is minimal and casual, as one would expect. We don't see each other often or for very long so there is not really time to say much beyond the odd comment.
Usually when we arrive and everyone is waiting for the class to start, my son chases all the little girls around, pretending to be a dinosaur or some other prehistoric monster and they squeal and shriek with delight. If I ask him to slow down or stop for a breath, one girl or another will inevitably creep back up to him, egging him on to chase them again. They are precious and he adores them all. As they do him.
The mothers however, are a different story altogether. These are ballet mothers.
It has only been recently that I really could see them for what they are. With this being final rehearsal week and then the big performance weekend for the entire dance school, we began spending alot more time together. And I soon found out what exactly a ballet mother was all about.
It soon became apparant that running, screaming and shrieking in delighted PLAY was completely frowned upon by these mothers. They did not smile as their daughters tried to hide and run from the dinosaur boy. They did not say "awww" when he would catch one and hug them or tickle them. No, but what they did say alot was, "Stop it!" "Settle down!" "No running!" "No screaming!" "This is not the place for that!" "If you don't stop it, you can't dance today!"
I felt so sorry for these sweet little girls who just wanted to have fun! Yet because the movement of active children racing about, and the "noise" of their excited playing bothered these mothers, they put a stop to it. Whatever happened to putting your own discomfort aside so your children can have a good time? I also felt these stiff mothers were trying to uphold a behaviour standard or image amongst each other. Even my casual comments of, "oh they are having so much fun!" or "aren't they cute, noisy ha ha, but that's kids, right?" were not responded to in kind. I felt like a lone outcast with an unruly child, or so their icy stares proclaimed him silently.
Once dress rehearsals and performance time came, it got even worse. In the dressing room, my boy wanted to make forts under the tables, chase, and run and still have fun...basically just be a boy....be a kid! I continued to receive cold shoulder treatment, hostile looks and some mothers even went so far as to snarl at me, "Can you keep him away from her? She doesn't like that!" Hmm, that's funny, I would think, since when mother was not looking, the little ballerina who "doesn't like that" was wrestling with him and teasing him into another game of chase! I would just sigh and kindly speak to my boy once again and ask him to please not touch anyone, not poke, pinch or tickle and especially don't touch anyone's hair! All the mothers had spent ages hairspraying and pinning up their little ballerinas hair into perfectly coiffed and tight buns, so they practically had heart attacks when this little boy just looking to have fun would run by and try and poke one of these buns! Isn't that what boys do though? And I noticed many a girl smile or start to giggle at this before their mother noticed. But in the mothers' eyes, the only problem in the room was my boy and he was destroying their daughters' perfect poise.
Give me a break! I had seen all of these girls stripped of that poise that the mothers insisted upon and play with him as children should! Dance is supposed to be a fun activity, not a restrained and restricted one!
I was even given a "talking to" from one extra fierce mother who said there had been numerous complaints about my boy and he had to stop this behaviour right away as he was frightening and hurting many of the girls! I apologized and demurely said I would do my best to see he did not hurt anyone. This was so ridiculous because I always watched him like a hawk (unlike the other mothers who were too busy chatting or gossiping to watch their children closely!) and I knew for sure that any so-called "hurting" was merely the same rough play they had always engaged in.
To be fair, there were a couple of mothers who did lighten up during the course of the show weekend, and spoke a little more friendly to me. One mother even told me she did not like this dance school and was hoping not to bring her daughter back in the Fall. Well, I liked the school alot....the teachers are warm and caring and they make it fun for the children. It is the level of unfriendliness and severity given out from the mothers that spoil it so much.
I am sure these mothers would behave this way with their children in whatever event or sport or public outing they were in....tense, terse and restrained. I see that all the time and always know it is the problem of the parent, not of the child. The child just wants to be a kid....but the parent refuses to allow them their natural enthusiasm or energy to burst forth in any kind of public setting or social gathering. These are the parents' own fears and issues that their child might stand out or be viewed as less than conforming to "proper behaviour" but honestly, if it is not hurting anyone else, then why be so restrictive? Children love to shriek and scream but because adults don't do that and other adults might not like it, these enforcements are placed on the children. And not just from vocal noise but from any large physical movements too. As these children grow, they lose their natural exuberance and become a "stiffer" person than maybe they would have been, had they not been held back from exhibiting their energy and zest for life so much.
But then again, maybe that is exactly what these ballet mothers want from their daughters....stiff little carbon copies of themselves.
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